PopTards!

NEW Poptards YouTube Channel! Poptards Interview!

2010-04-12T04:59:00.000-07:00

JD and Uncle Dunklenutz head to World Cafe Live for a screening of "The Wizard" and enjoy some little Nintendo competition. While there JD interviews Mark Wolf of Plug and Play Events. Enjoy this interview and there will be more videos of this event to come.

Comics: Blackest Night #8 by Optimus Douche

2010-04-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

Read the original and all of Optimus Douche's other reviews at www.aintitcool.com

With a blinding white light the Blackest Night is finally extinguished. Did this moment cause me to ejaculate with glee? No. Am I going to derail Johns’ writing like so many other reviews bombarding the Intertubes? No. Because at the end of the day, the BLACKEST NIGHT finale was exactly what I expected — and it is no fault of Johns. If there’s anyone to blame, it’s the current state of comics. Comics have always been a business, but today they serve less as the primary business and more of a whirling dervish spitting out synergistic channels of upsell revenue in the form of movies, video games, cartoons and apps…the game can’t change too much without those other channels (that keep the stocks afloat, which keeps our books coming, etc…) suffering a complete collapse.

Think about the near future and tell me if anyone thought Sinestro would keep the White Light bestowed upon him in the last issue of GREEN LANTERN? Because (SHORT BUS SPOILER ALERT) he doesn’t keep the White Ring. While long time fans would love to see the softer side of Sinestro for a year or two, sadly you would ostracize Mr. Johnny “I Never Read a Comic”, who saunters into the comic shop looking for a bad-ass emerald Sinestro after seeing the movie next year and instead gets some maroon colored do-gooder bathed in white light. Yes, it sucks ass kids, but it’s a market we helped create and continue to perpetuate (I’ll tell you right now, I am ejaculating at the thought of DC Universe Online. And dead or not dead in comics, I wants to play me some Batman). Our collective hive bitching is also partly to blame in the case of Hal Jordan ultimately saving the day at the end of Blackest Night. How many continuity Nazis would be screaming if Sinestro became a good guy? Lots!

The game is never going to change for DC. It quite simply can’t. (A few more spoilers) Yes, I fully expected the return of Aquaman and the complete “get out of permanent death free” card for the DC big guns. Now, was I shocked when Ralph and Sue Dibny stayed dead? Fuck no, Ralph and Sue Dibny only matter to a miniscule group of comic fans that were religious to Giffen’s run on JUSTICE LEAGUE 100 years ago. There hasn’t been big money riding on an elongated detective and his sassy gal pal since Plastic Man was a Saturday morning cartoon. R.I.P. kids, I at least will miss you. Although, I will say I was giddy when Maxwell Lord came back and immediately did his mind bleed on Guy Gardner. But, I’m one of those old bastards that loved Giffen’s work 100 years ago.
I’m going to say Johns did a fantastic job with this entire run considering the lasso of capitalism that bound his fingers. He delivered exactly what I always expect from Johns and well…DC: great moments and great characters, very little overall changes.

For me, BLACKEST NIGHT delivered some of the best DC moments all year (that’s fiscal year, I’m going March to March). Would I have liked some of the moments to last longer, like Guy’s time with the red ring or a little more Lex Luthor Orange Lantern goodness, sure, but again I won’t fault Johns for keeping his story moving. That’s why God invented Elseworlds (hint, hint). When BLACKEST NIGHT 0 was released on Free Comics Day, Johns placed a stake in the ground. Fresh off the distaste of CRISIS, he promised to cleanse our palates with tight storytelling that would not meander into infinite side stories. He delivered that promise with the aid of Tomasi. They couldn’t have been a tighter team throughout this tale, Tomasi fattening the bones of Johns’ skeleton with each issue of GREEN LANTERN CORPS. I also gained absolutely no value from the side tales — other than simple enjoyment. Not one was “necessary” to keep pace with the main story. Granted, there’s “imbedded in the Internet” proof that I outright hated the SUPERMAN side tale, but again that was my folly, I wasn’t punished in BLACKEST NIGHT for trying to banish those three issues from my mind.

If you expected earth shattering change from BLACKEST NIGHT, I’m sorry, but you’re a fool. Burn me once…blah, blah, blah. Nothing is going to change forever at DC. The good guys will always win and even though Barry professes that “dead is now dead” we all know dead is dead until the character once again serves a purpose. But that’s kind of why I read DC; it’s an old friend that changes their personality every 10 or so years. It’s all familiar, yet slightly different enough to be interesting.

There are very few new limits DC can push to without a courageous shift in editorial direction. And when I say courageous I mean suicidal. For DC to truly change it needs to do a hard reboot; not the soft “refresh” of a ZERO HOUR or the empty “restart” of CRISIS — I mean a “hold in the power button” for three seconds and risk fragging your hard drive “reboot.” Start over with ACTION COMICS and DETECTIVE COMICS 1 and rebuild from the ground up. Won’t happen, but the only thing that will truly “transform” DC is to cut loose the dead weight of its continuity.

Despite the enticing white lantern of foreshadowing sitting deep in “Somewhere America” at the end of this issue, I think the war of light is going to cool for awhile. Not for me personally, because I did enjoy this run and I’m interested to see how this new Technicolor universe operates in relative “peace” time. Someone could have fun with the new politics of this universe and I know would stick around to watch that exploration. What BLACKEST NIGHT and every DC title boil down to at this point is, “Even though I know what to expect, I really enjoy the ride getting there.”

Optimous is lonely and needs friends. Even virtual ones will fill the gaping hole, join him on Facebook or he will cry like a newborn kitten.

POP5 April: COMIC MOVIE SCENES

2010-04-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Hey there! We'll be posting a new monthly segment called POP5, wherein we will post our top 5 list for any given topic. If you have an idea for next month's list, let us know. Email your brilliant ideas to info@poptardsgo.com

So without further ado: this month's Pop5 List of Comic Book Movie Scenes!!

JayDee!

5.) The Dark Knight - The Pencil Trick

During the months leading up to the release of this modern classic (that's right, I said it..wanna fightabouddit?), I read review after review that mentioned something called "the pencil trick" during The Joker's introduction to the mob. I was intrigued. What the hell could this possibly be? And then..opening night at the theatre, I found out. If you saw the movie, you know what it is. If you haven't seen it yet, when you do....you'll know what it is. And you'll be glad I didn't spoil it for you.

4.) The Crow - Stand-Up Comedian from Beyond the Grave

Brandon Lee's final role was his best. Murdered on the night before his wedding (on mischeif night, no less...or "Devil's Night" in this film's incredibly gothic world), Eric Draven (gothic name) returns as an unkillable umm...killing machine to wreak vengence down upon Top Dollar and his (gothic) gang of ne'erdowells one year later to the sometimes pounding, sometimes whining (gotchic) music that plays throughout. There are too many memorable scenes to pick from, but mine would have to be the one wherein our hero shows up to give Fun-Boy the ole coup de grâce, and has a devil of a time doing it. Brandon really shows just how much fun coming back from the grave to avenge some murder can be. So much fun, in fact, that he tells an incredibly inappropriate Jesus Christ joke while playfully enjoying getting riddled with bullets. Also, Fun-Boy's brilliant muttering of "look what you've done......to my ......SHEETS" right before he passes out from the pain, is the perfect cap to this amazing scene.

3.) X-Men - Oh you silly Nazis, way to make an evil mutant pissed off!

About 5 minutes into this film, and I already knew that this wasn't going to be a silly romp through the world of mutants. One of the most powerful origin stories ever displayed in a comic book movie, our intro to this world takes place during the houlocaust, as we watch a young jewish boy being ripped away from his parents at a concentration camp. As the rain falls, so do young Eric's tears, and the force of his anguish causes the metal gates of the fence to be bent by forces unseen. This is all we need to know about the X-Men's nemesis, Magneto and his belief in why the homo-superior race should take wipe out the lowly, murderous homo-sapians.

2.) Superman II - Kryptonian Throwdown

Seriously, how is it that Superman II, which was filmed in the late 70's, had a bad-ass, mid-Metropolis brawl that hasn't been matched in ANY of the Superman films that have come in the decades following it? Not even in Superman Returns?? How is this possible? At any rate: it was friggin' COOL. Super-breath blowing away half the city's residents, super-beings flinging each other into Coke billboards, tossing whole BUSES full of people at each other? And I can still here that sexy man-woman Ersila whistling "...oh SUPER-maaan...." before kicking up a manhole cover and tossing it into Supes' midsection, knocking him through the air. Those pleather-bound evil Kryptonians gave our boy in blue a run for his money!

1.) Spider-Man 2 - Doc Ock Train Fight

Oh good god. As a LIFE-long Spider-Man fan, I had been waiting to see a live action Spidey thwipp his way through Manhattan's cityscape. The original film was pretty awesome and I thought I got what I needed from it. Then came the sequel, which was, without a doubt, a Spider-Man comic come to life. Seeing Spidey and Doc Ock fighting on the SIDE of a speeding train, then the absolutely amazing shot of Doc Ock flinging Spidey through the air, hurtling towards an oncoming bridge, only to have our boy diving through the incredibly close metal bars to come out unharmed on the other side? HOLY HELL. I get chills just thinking about it.

Slai

5.) Kick-Ass- The dinner scene between Big Daddy and Hit Girl

Nostalgia, I was that little girl who preferred well-crafted tools to Barbies and had an uncle that would encourage my interest. I like the dynamic of Hit Girl having a sense of humor so young and Big Daddy's pronounced fear at raising an actual little girl.

4.) X-Men 3- Professor X and Magneto visiting Jean Grey as a child

It wasn't for the footage itself which was heavily CGI-ed, but just thought the scene was really well done acting wise. I think anyone with an extreme ability hopes to be sought out and mentored to be able to use that gift for good.

3.) Hellboy II- Hellboy and Abe Sapien singing "I Can't Smile Without You"
It's possibly just nostalgia again, but I remember seeing this at an almost empty movie theater for the last showing of the night on a weeknight and cracking up. I'm big on drunken singing with friends and enjoyed that these characters were as well.

2.)The Dark Knight - The Joker burning the stack of money.

I think that money can't be the motivating factor for any great hero nor any effective villain and was demonstrated much to the dismay of the surrounding lesser villains.

1.) V for Vendetta - Evey in the rain after being imprisoned

It's just such a strong scene, and the first that jumped into my head at the request of this list. With Portman's imaginative acting, you could see all the emotions Evey went through as she celebrated her freedom and gained the understanding she sought without first knowing the cost.

Uncle Dunklenutz:

5.) V for Vendetta - When he first introduces himself to Evey. Just a fun demeanor and set the tone for the whole movie. Also brought me back to the times of the black and white Zorro tv show that I would watch.

4.) The Punisher - The scene where Castle leaves the one guy with a bomb in his hand and if he drops his arm he blows up. Just that tension and all the blowing up shit as he walks away is just testosterone overload.

3.) League of Extraordinary Gentleman - I had some trouble with this because there are so many scenes I like, but I would have to say the one that stands out the most is when Dorian Grey is getting unloaded on with a machine gun. He just enjoys it. Great scene and an awesome camera angle.

2.) Incredible Hulk 2008 - The scene at the college where Tim Roth is fighting the Hulk and they have a stand off and then the Hulk just kicks him onto a tree. Badass and fun to watch.

1.) 300 - Final show down where they through the spear. I love the narrator describing it all while it's happening. The movie all around is great, but the tension and all the other emotions just poor out.

Optimus Douche:

5.) Kirsten Dunst’s Tits – Spider-Man #1 - 3

Each time Ms. Dunst’s tits were showcased, whether wet and in a t-shirt or trussed up in some theatrical wear, I could have sworn it was the real Mary Jane on screen…now if they could have just done something about her face.

4.) Fantastic Four – Johnny Storm’s Hair

Yeah, sure there were those two Fantastic Four movies a few years ago, but that is pure crap compared to the 1994 never-released Fantastic Four. Why? It all boils down to Johnny Storm. Chris Evans for all of his well-acted swagger is simply not a blonde. As a natural toe-head myself, I always identified with the few and far between blonde dudes in comics. Now Jay Underwood is a real man’s man. His scalp had boils they made his hair so blonde in the 1994 version of FF. To that I salute you Jay and give you 4^th place.

3.) Edward Norton walking in Hulk

The minute they cued up the Hulk music when Ed “I’m a creative control Douche” Norton was walking in the hulk, I shed a wee tear. Then when they had Lou Farigno as the security guard and gave him lines I laughed out loud. Seriously, the dude’s deaf, that’s why they needed Bill Bixby. There’s nostalgia and then there’s just being sad.

2.) Jack Nicholson – The Joker

“Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?” to this day I don’t know what the fuck he was talking about, but I can recite that line in a heartbeat from memory. What else do you need to qulify a scene as memorable.

1.) Heath ledger – The Joker

Every fucking scene he was in. Seriously, sure the pencil was great, but each moment fo his performance will forever be burned into my cerebellum as a reminder to the enormous talent his selfish drug cocktail ripped away from the world. Seriously, talented actors please listen. Just smoke some fucking weed and call it a day. K – thanks!

Jess "The Hoss" Tutton

5.) The Crow - Something really got me, right at my teenage core watching him run from building to building at top speed, to a Nine Inch Nails song. He was so full of heartbreak, ready to avenge his love. It was enough to turn me goth for a while. It's true. Knowing what happened to Brandon Lee in real life always made it a little more eerie too to watch the film. This movie was the first time I was inspired to read a graphic novel. (I'm a girl, it didn't come naturally, sorry to say!)

4.) Spiderman - This movie was great because I think it helped us to realize once again how great comic movies could be. I also like Spiderman 2 and some people say it's the best, but for me I liked this one for the scenes where he is learning to use his powers and ablities.I mean really who among us hasn't wanted to be able to try some of it? There's something so great about Peter Parker, we can really relate to him.

3.) The whole of Sin City was amazing. How do you pick a scene? I like the Bruce Willis scenes in That Yellow Bastard. However, I love the idea of chicks getting revenge so I like "The Big Fat Kill." I like the idea of women who aren't portrayed as helpless and stupid, they defend their own and in their own way in the midst of a hellish city.

2.) (The Michael Keaton) Batman- This movie was so awesome when it first came out. Admit it! My favorite scene is the one where he goes to meet Vicki Vail in her apartment and he's rehearsing "I'm Batman" to tell her... and then later the Joker shows up and he breaks some shit and says, famously, "Ya wanna get nuts??? Let's get nuts!!!!!!"

1.) Does it get any better than the Dark Knight? Again, too hard to pick a scene. You can go with the pencil scene. Because, it's frickin' amazing. But pretty much any time the Joker is on screen, I am mesmerized by Heath Ledger. Who knew he could be the joker we had always dreamed of? For some reason though, I really enjoy the fight scene where the Joker is driving a truck. (That on the side says SLaughter is the best medicine...) He decides he wants to drive, and lots of fun action ensues.

MasterFilmMakerMarkMackner:

5.) The Origin of Splinter, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)"
I told JD I’d be including this, and he probably hoped I was kidding. I’m of course, talking about the first LIVE ACTION Turtles movie. You know it’s an EPIC scene, because you know that as soon as you read the words “origin of Splinter”, you got a mental image of that crudely made rat puppet in the bird cage practicing karate kicks while watching his master. It’s poorly lit, and very deliberately so. But no amount of shadows can cover up the fact that that is one hilarious rat puppet doing karate kicks in a bird cage. And the part where he flies at Oruku Saki’s face and bites him? Fucking priceless. Say what you want about the rest of the movie, but I will defend this scene with an intensity normally reserved for Viking invasions. It just never fails to make me smile.

4.) Superman vs. Zod, Ursa, and Non, “Superman II"
As far as I know, this is one of the first live-action, super-powered smackdowns in filmdom, and it’s still immensely entertaining. So what if the effects are a little dated. It’s still a lot of fun.

3.) Joker makes his intro, “The Dark Knight”.
And now for something completely different. Only… not. I mean, it’s still The Joker, right? But he’s nothing like Joker ’89. Well, kind of. Let me start over. Heath Ledger’s Joker is definitely different from Jack’s Joker. And, as much as I love Jack’s Joker, THAT’S A GOOD THING. The beauty of this scene is that we’re not given the luxury of an origin story, or any kind of set-up, really. Joker just walks in out of nowhere, no name, no background. And he IMMEDIATELY joins the ranks of Cinema’s All-time Great Villains. With the cherished memory of Jack’s Joker still dear to thousands of fanboys (including me), Ledger just HAD to kill in this first scene. And, boy. Did he EVER!!!! AMAZING first impression, LEGENDARY performance, BRILLIANT scene!

2.) Joker and his goons redecorate the art museum, “Batman (1989)”.
This scene is just one of the most FUN scenes ever! This would probably be on my Top 10 Scenes Ever, regardless of any connection to comics. There’s just so much energy and demented glee infused in every frame. Who would have thought that Jack Nicholson and Prince would make such a dynamic screen team? I don’t have to tell you that Jack was firing on all cylinders here, and Prince just fucking rocks. The dialogue (“You’re insane!” “I thought I was a Pisces”), the direction, the dancing (Those goons had style!), the performances, all first-rate. EPIC scene!

1.) Spider-Man vs. The Green Goblin in Times Square, “Spider-Man”.
Since Spidey has always been my favorite comic, and #1 hero, this should be no surprise. I remember seeing this for the first time in the theater, loving every minute of the opening credits and origin story. But it was THIS moment that really made me squeal with glee and say to myself, “HOLY FUCK! We’re gonna see Spidey vs. the Green Goblin! For reaiz!” When everyone looks up into the sky and says “What’s that?”, and you see the smoke trail from the Goblin Glider in the distance, fast approaching… I fucking LOVE that!!!!! It’s a great fight, and you get some Spidey zingers in there, too. And with all the parade balloons and all, it’s really colorful and comic booky, and I mean that in the most beautiful way possible. When Spidey shoots some web in Gobby’s eyes, and he’s like “Gah!”, that’s fucking classic. And when Gobby takes off, “We’ll meet again, Spider-Man!” So Silver Age. So magnificent. Yeah, everybody complained about Gobby’s costume. Whatever. I’m cool with it. Great scene.

"Nite"Pete Tutton:

5.) Akira- motorcycle chase scene.
This movie influenced my entire aesthetic. It was one of the first anime films I’d really seen and the motorcycle sequence with the clown gang blew my mind. The trails behind the taillights, the percussive soundtrack, those kickass bikes. It was between this and the scene where Tetsuo turns to a giant mountain of vaginas but there’s a wee bit too much repetitive name-screaming in there for me.

4.) Superman 3- the cyborg closet.
I only have vague memories of watching this as a kid but this scene scared the shit out of me. When somebody pushes the female bad guy into this closet or something that turns her into some sort of cyborg. I remember it as being very graphic, with her screaming as mechanical bits are getting grafted onto her skin. I had nightmares for a week.

3.) Batman- Joker likes Francis Bacon.
As the Joker and his goons go through the Gotham Museum of improving the paintings, cavorting to the strains of a young Prince, Joker stops at a Francis Bacon painting and tells the goons to leave this one alone. Give a weirdo like Tim Burton the reigns of a beloved comic book franchise and you have to expect an insider art reference or two.

2.) The Dark Knight- chase through Chicago, I mean Gotham.
There is a truckload of things to love about this movie but my favorite little bit is during the Batcycle sequence where he slides out and the front wheel spins end over end and is then automatically realigned and Bats drives off, not missing a beat. It’s a blink and you miss it moment but from an industrial design perspective it is friggin awesome.

1.) Spider-Man 2- runaway train.
After Spidey is knocked for a loop by Doc Ock, the good people of NY step up and issue the old if you want him, you hafta go through us first ultimatum. This was the least red state treatment of the 9/11 ‘let’s roll’ mentality I’ve ever seen. It gave me chills. Actual chills, people!

Well, that's it for this month's list. ARE WE WRONG? Let us know! Leave a comment below or email us! Thanks for reading and we'll write atcha later!

Feh! You got some mishegas in my mashugana!

2010-04-04T12:26:00.000-07:00

In my quest to see all 10 movies of the Oscars Best Picture Nominations I have arrived at number 9, A Serious Man. Let me just say this first, you have to see it to understand it fully. I didn't ever see any publicity or trailers for this before I watched it.

Hard times have fallen upon Professor Lawrence Gopnik, Michael Stuhlbarg. Problems with his mishpocheh, family for you non Yiddish speaking goys, problems with health, problems with some record company he has no knowledge about, problems with his career and no one will give him a straight answer about how to solve his problems. OY VEH!!!! (That's right I am yelling at you with text...also imagine me with my arms in the air)

This film has very few people I could match with other films, but this film was not without some standout new talent. Pretty much the only person I recognized was the troubled, but gifted, Uncle Arthur, Richard Kind. I kind of recognized the awkward and intimidating neighbor Mr. Brandt, Peter Breittmayer, from several different tv shows.

Some of the new talent that I enjoyed where Sari Lennick, the overly pushy mother, Fred Melamed, the mother's new husband, Aaron Wolff, the trouble-making son. With all these actors and actresses contributing you get a socially awkward comedy/drama movie about a Jewish community in the Midwest of the United States in what seems to be in the 50's.

See this movie and let me know what you think. I enjoyed it and think it was definitely deserving of top 10, but other then that honorable mention is all it should've gotten. I will stick with Hurt Locker.

Movie Review by Pete Tutton: HACKERS

2010-04-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

In part 2 of our basic cable repertory theater showcase, we present mid 90’s cult fave, hackers. this time-capsule of a techno thriller stars whatever-happened-to-johnny-lee-miller as dade, aka zero cool, aka crash override, a hacker since infancy who rose to infamy after crashing 1,507 systems in one day, dropping the NYSE 7 points, a stat that all of his hacker buddies can quote readily. this of course earns him buku cybercred and at least 1,507 exp points. as a consequence of this criminal act, dade is forbidden from operating computers and touch tone phones until his 18th birthday. rotary phones are still ok though.

so, following the obligatory family breakup, dade and his mom move to ny into a little apartment where dade continues to sit in his room and fuck shit up on the interwebs with his dial up modem and dot matrix printer. next comes the obligatory new guy in school sequence where dade meets the characters who would soon make up his cybercrew. angelina jolie is kate, aka acid burn, a femme fatale who sports a pixie haircut and quizzical eyebrows, a combo that leaves her looking like a disturbingly foxy spock. dade first encounters kate inside the ol’ series-of-tubes in a heated hacker battle over a public access video cassette. yes, a public access video cassette. acid burn got all pissed that crash override was in her cyberturf. why her turf includes the video library of a public access station is really anybody’s guess.

these two develop quite a nice adversarial relationship that is allowed to play out through the whole film and doesn’t pay off until the last quarter of the movie. which is a good thing. dade starts off as a victim of kate’s pool on the roof prank where he and all the other first-day nerds gullible enough to go look at it (wow, I’ve never seen a POOL before! wonder what that looks like!) get locked on the pool-less roof, and he finishes the movie making sweet sweet love to kate in a pool. on the roof. of some other building, not the school.

the conflict of the movie kicks in when a member of dade’s crew downloads (slowly, this is 1995 after all) a garbage file from some industrial supercomputer. a gibson, no less (*all gasp in fear and respect* ). turns out that this file is very important to the eeeeevil fisher stevens who will stop at nothing to get it back. for those of you keeping score at home, that’s academy award winning documentarian fisher stevens. oh no, his skills aren’t limited to affecting an offensive indian accent and chasing johnny5 around, he can also direct him some documentaries about dolphin abuse. and that’s important. fisher steven’s partner in crime is dr. melfi for some reason. she’s completely useless in this film and is there primarily to not understand technical jargon and to shriek about things that don’t go her way.

before we go any further on the plot, let’s talk for a moment about wardrobe. now, i was a teenager in the 90’s and i remember some pretty lame fashions. what i don’t remember however, is people dressing like a scuba diving expedition could break out at any minute. was i asleep during the aqua action gear fashion movement? kate sports a few lycra skindiving shits, and at one point, dade wears a life vest to a party. an actual life vest. with buckles and straps and everything. remember in back to the future when the soda jerk asks marty if he just jumped ship because his puffy vest looked like a life preserver? this is just like that except that dade’s vest would actually keep him afloat if his boat ever capsized.

also, everyone in this movie carries a pager. bright yellow and orange motorolla skypagers abound. I know that cell phones still weighed 8 lbs back then and weren’t nearly as ubiquitous as they are now but i always thought that beepers were just for drug dealers. guess i was wrong.

dade's other cyberpossee members are pretty fashion forward as well. the interminable matthew lillard portrays cereal (you know, like cereal killa) and he spends the movie sporting some pippy longstockings french-braided pigtails in various locations around his head. his clothing choices tend to involve sleeveless tees and utility belts. and a pager. another character wears a leopard print top with mismatching leopard print zuba pants. tres chic! at one point, kate is shown at home, by herself, on a computer, rocking a sheer top with no bra. this was at best a puzzling choice. it was like, ‘hey nobody, look at my boobs!’

hackers also features a fair amount of hollywood enhanced and overly glamorized depictions of technology use. it would be cruel to the viewer to actually show the mind-numbing banality of realistically fat, zitty hackers sitting in front of computer screens for 90 minutes. hackers forgoes gritty realism for slick, bright and shiny techno action! first and formost, is my most favorite of cinematic contrivances, the computer monitor face projection! i don't know about you, but when i'm watching videos of frolicking kittens on my computer screen, people who are looking at me do not see the reverse image of that video projected onto my face. maybe they just made monitors that much more powerful back in the mid 90s, but i doubt it.

computer interfaces in the world of hackers look a lot more like screensavers than they probably should. instead of a recognizable set of icons and lists and windows, many of the screen shots we're treated to feature swirling technicolor math equations, explosions of color, disjointed text and nonsensical shapes. the computer world of the gibson (*hushed awe*) is a cityscape of digital towers lined with file names, a circuitboard of streets pulsates below. the virtual camera glides in through a grid of towers, driven by the eeeeeevil fisher stevens and his techno goon, penn gillette who together co-operate a gigantic bright orange keyboard with round buttons. practical? intuitive? probably not. that's why it's up to the misunderstood genius of the hackers to operate these technologically advanced wonders. or something.

in any case, characters periodically drop technobabble references to remind us how tech savvy they are throught the entire movie. a pci bus? no way! at one point, dade stands in front of a mirror doing his best travis bickle using 3 ¼” disks instead of a gun. you talkin' to me? no sir. no i wasn't.

and you better believe this flick has a montage. they had to show lots of stuff, happening at once, giving the impression of the passage of time. set to music. techno music. i'm guessing this soundtrack features more than one paul oakenfold track.

the climax of this film is really a wonder to behold. the heroes have eluded the authorities throught the story with varying degrees of success and are now on the lamb. they have no choice but to hook up their laptops to payphones and do something with the garbage file. i forget exactly what that is. it really doesn’t matter. in any case, they are intercepted online by the eeeeeevil fisher stevens and penn gillette and a furious technocyber cage match ensues. there is much pointing and clicking and loading and deleting. the participants get worked up into a frothy boil and in the end, our heroes are the last men and woman standing. The eeeeeevil fisher stevens and dr. melfi are carted off to jail and everyone lives hackerly ever after. the end.

Comics: Nemesis #1 Review by Optimus Douche

2010-04-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

Check out the original and Optimus Douche's other reviews over at AintitCool.com!

NEMESIS finally helped me crack the Millar Conundrum; that puzzling ability he has to polarize the comic book community into almost equal sized camps of blind-rage and gushing-adoration for his work. Millar is essentially the Michael Bay of comic writers. And I don’t mean that as an insult. He appeals to the 15 year old in all of us, tickling the same part of our brains with comic panels that Mr. Bay tickles with robots blowing shit up and Megan Fox bending over. Seriously, every panel of NEMESIS made the 15 year old in me that still “rages against the machine” go “Fuck…Yes!!” Now what did the 35 year old Optimous think? Well, he was a little pissed that he just paid $2.99 for a book that is basically a lot of carnage, a whole lot of swearing, and so shallow that I almost snapped my neck diving into it.

For anyone that does not suffer from an undiagnosed multiple personality disorder like yours truly, and expect your comics to tackle weighty social issues while exploring complex characters; stop reading now! Seriously, you will despise this “Batman Gone Bad” tale. However, if you’re a little bit “Cybil” and enjoy the “sizzle” as much as the “steak” read on; because there is some fun shit in here if you’re willing to shift your brain from 5th gear to neutral.

The question I keep asking myself is, “Why didn’t I come to this revelation earlier?” What was it about OLD MAN LOGAN that made me squeal with glee, where KICK-ASS and at first NEMESIS left me wondering “what the hell is the point of all this?” Again, this was a week of true revelations about my comic buying habits because I finally have an answer. With KICK-ASS, it was on Millar’s shoulders to make me care about the characters (which I never did, but I’ll admit I bailed on the book after issue 2). Some really cool scenes and really cool quips, but without the emotional tether to the fate of these characters and the world they inhabit the book simply seemed like an exercise in base instincts and fool hearted heroics. With OLD MAN LOGAN I already cared about the fate of the main character, actually make that the entire dystopian world Millar painted, thanks to the countless number of years I’ve spent reading WOLVERINE and X-MEN. My mind basically picked up the slack, filling in the deep character introspections between the panels. Essentially I was writing a second book as I was reading OLD MAN LOGAN, my gray matter shoehorned in all of the “talky” emotional stuff between Hulk poundings.

Millar simply does not have this luxury of past history with his original titles. So as readers we are left with two choices; shun the books or shut the fuck up and realize what you are getting into.

No I didn’t hate this anti-batman tale like almost every other reviewer on the intertubes, because I didn’t go into the book expecting FABLES or (insert your erudite title here). Millar’s history combined with the 45 point type on the cover exclaiming “Makes Kick-Ass Look Like S#IT!” well-set the expectation for what I was getting into. Once I knew this, sitting back and reveling in the creative moments of this book was easy, in fact, to use a phrase from my youth, “the shit rocked!”

Where this deviates squarely from BATMAN or any other character that relies on wit over brawn, is that we see none of the planning for Nemesis’ fantastic feats. With Batman we see every thought process, we see his planning in action, we “see” that’s he’s smart because we are shown that he’s smart. Nemesis is an international bad-ass whacking Police Chiefs in all of the world’s major cities. Why? Shut-up with all of your stupid adult questions. It doesn’t matter why; he kills a guy with a freaking train in the first few pages. A meticulously timed kill and he does it because he’s Nemesis fuckers! I hope that’s all you need to know, because that’s all you’re going to get. The second main character of this title is a D.C. Police Chief that is a great fucking cop and is next on Nemesis’ list of marks. In this case we actually get to see that he’s a great cop, well OK you caught me, we actually see that he’s a fool-hardy cop that takes it upon himself personally to break-up a hostage situation in a convenience store. Again, think like you’re 15. We all know that in the real world if cops behaved this way it would be a break down of the system as we know it, but this is comic books. If the Chief is the only guy that can do the job, then by God he’s the man to do it. The book concludes with a great hijack of Air Force One and a cliffhanger, that while expected, certainly sets up some palpable danger for issue deux. While we don’t get to see the planning for the hijacking, the event it self is pretty spectacular all thanks to McNiven who seems to be channeling another artist for this title. It’s all good stuff, just different from the norm.

In the end analysis, I don’t see the need to get so upset over Millar (or any other comic creator for that matter). Seriously you guys are fucking brutal when it comes to big M: I really don’t think I’m a fucktard for enjoying Old Man Logan as one thoughtful reader suggested, nor do I think “I eat the ass of a monkey’s shit after it just ate another monkey’s shit” as one AICN fan kindly told me after I compared KICK-ASS to a lap dance that ends with getting punched in the balls (and yes, their insult is implying that the piece of shit actually has an ass and a mouth – it took me a while). I feel the same way about comics I do about movies. Sometimes I want to watch “Shakespeare in Love” and sometimes I want to watch robots blow some shit up. There’s more than enough room in the world for both kinds of story-telling to flourish – if you’re the right type of reader. Hell, I might even go back and give KICK-ASS another chance when the 15 year old in me wants to come out and play again.

Optimous is lonely and needs friends. Even virtual ones will fill the gaping hole, join him on Facebook or he will cry like a newborn kitten.

Comics: Olympus Vol. 1, Reviewed by Tim Hershey

2010-03-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

Olympus vol. 1, by Nathan Edmondson & Christian Ward, Image Comics

I chose Olympus because of my interest in Mythology. I heard good things about it, and knew the story was based around Castor and Pollux, and their “bounty-hunter” careers. I had no idea how Edmondson wrote or how Ward drew, so it was completely brand new to me when I read it.

My background is mostly mainstream super-hero. That tends to mean “normal” art. You know what I mean. I’ve been trying to branch out in the last few years, but I still feel most comfortable in the Marvel Universe. Ward’s art does not come from the Marvel Universe… It took a few pages to get used to the look, and there are a few panels that are a challenge for me to read (unable to identify the character, or unable to follow the action), but, in general, it really worked. I see influences from John Paul Leon and Tommy Lee Edwards (who also contributed a pin-up and alternate cover, respectively). I liked the colors, and was surprised to see green and yellow, two colors that are not used a whole lot, anymore. Sometimes the colors were a little too flat, but it tended to be a response to the story-telling, so it made sense. Before long, I was in this world that was sort of a transition between two worlds. Not quite the real world, but not quite the world of the gods (though we do visit Hades, too). Ultimately, I have to say that the art worked very well for the story, and I also ended up enjoying it.

As for Edmondson’s writing? Well, it’s pretty good. The story moves at a good pace, and everyone sounds like they “should”. The story is a pretty simple end-of-the-world sort of thing, with Castor and Pollux as our heroes, but it’s not really so simple. It’s an intelligent read, but not a snotty, “you don’t know as much about Mythology as me” kind of thing. You do not need to have a deep grasp of Mythology, but if you do know some stuff, you do get a little of that “Easter egg” sort of experience.

Hmm, good art, good writing, and a gorgeous product (this trade looks great!). Sounds like something definitely worth a try. And, I’m glad I did.

Weekly Web-Up: Amazing Spider-Man # 626

2010-03-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

Greetings to all our fellow Tards out there! It’s time for the latest installment of the “Weekly Web-Up” with JD and Master Filmmaker Mark Mackner! Read on, True Believers!

Mark:
The Gauntlet continues! Last week saw the release of that instant-classic Rhino vs. Rhino story, and now we have this standalone story. Well, I mean, it ties into the Gauntlet and all, but there isn’t an official Gauntlet villain. A classic villain, THE SCORPION, is mentioned. And the 2^nd Scorpion, the female one who was a supporting player in HULK a few years back, makes an appearance. Remember her, JD?

JD:
Actually....NOPE, I sure don't. Thankfully, Marvel has gone back to including little reference boxes in their stories, showing the audience what issues certain events happened in. At first I wondered if the new Scorpion's involvement with S.H.I.E.L.D happened "off-panel" so I was happy when they let me know that she showed up during World War Hulk. I'm not sure I remember her at ALL!

Mark:
She has a tail now, which she didn’t have last time I saw her. Apparently, that happened in AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE. Anyway, with the dissolution of her former employer, SHIELD, New Scorpion has taken to freelance jobs. Her latest assignment? Retrieve the costume of Mac Gargan, the Original Scorpion (Now Venom) from super-villain crime boss The Hood, who plans on having a Mortal Kombat-style tournament among no-name goons to earn the costume and take up the mantle of the Scorpion. How’s Spidey get involved in all this? Well, there’s this guy with Michelle, Peter’s roommate, who triggers the ol’ Spidey Sense. Spidey doesn’t want this guy to hurt Michelle, so he tails him to see what’s so dangerous about him. Then Spidey happens across a construction site where the Hood-hosted brawl for the Scorpion costume is about to take place. Turns out the guy is nothing more than a thug. You wanna chime in with anything here, friend?

JD:
Well, I gotta just say that I LOVE that Brian Michael Bendis has taken THE HOOD, a throw-away character from a miniseries and turned him into the new Kingpin of New York. This was a character that I wasn't expecting to ever see again after I read his first mini-series, and I lovelovelove the fact that Bendis was able to make something out of him. It just goes to show, it's never a character that's bad, it's the writers that deal with that character. Except TYPE-FACE, that Spidey villain that Paul Jenkins created. That guy just SUCKS! ;)

Mark:
So Spidey runs into New Scorpion, the girl, and they start to fight. But they soon learn that they’re on the same side. Or ARE they? Well, they certainly help each other out against the Hood and his henchmen TOMBSTONE and BUSHWACKER. I was really happy to see Tombstone in the pages of AMAZING. Remember years ago, when they only used him in SPECTACULAR? He’s a bad dude, and it was cool to get him involved in the Gauntlet, even if only for a moment. And he’s even cooler now that he’s been on the recent Spectacular Spidey animated series, voiced by Keith David.

JD:
AGREED, good sir! I was really surprised that they brought out characters like Hammerhead and Tombstone for the SpecSpidey Cartoon, which, if you haven't seen yet, True Believers, you should be checking out! It's one of the best iterations of the Spidey Mythos in cartoon form that I've ever seen. But yeah, I was pretty happy to see him make an appearance here in Amazing...(I wonder if his role on the cartoon prompted this at all? All of a sudden he's there to help introduce The Hood??)

Mark:
And Bushwacker. Remember that old DAREDEVIL story? It was from the 80’s, I think. Bushwacker was on a killing spree, targeting mutants with artistic genius. Daredevil was trying to stop him, but so was Wolverine. Daredevil wants him brought to justice. Wolverine just wants to gut him. And they have a 3-way battle at the end? And it was all one issue! Terrific story! Remember that?

JD:
Ha! I don't remember that particular story, but I do remember Bushwacker as a character...he's able to turn his arm into any sort of gun, right? What the hell does that arm-gun SHOOT anyway?? Arm-bullets?? Silly-town, if you ask me!)

Mark:

OK, so let’s wrap this up. Spidey and New Scorpion get past the villains, and make off with the old Scorpion suit. Finally, a victory for Spidey, right? WRONG! New Scorpion is working for the Kravens! She gives them the suit at the end. But what are they gonna do with it? Convince Gargan to hang up the Venom routine and don his old duds again? An interesting development, to be sure.

JD:
Yeah, as far as changes in the status quo go, I know that comics hate to stay with any change for too long, and while I love the fact that Mac Gargan has since become the new Venom ever since Marvel Knights Spider-Man, I know that it's been a couple years and that Marvel is just itching to get things back to "normal". So while I hate to say it, I'm pretty sure that Gargan is going to be getting back into the Scorpion suite again soon. Keep him as VENOM, I say!! Change is GOOD, Marvel!

Also, let us not forget that this seems to be a turning point in the relationship between Michele Gonzales and Peter! Michele finally lets up on ole Pete and he apologizes, so now maybe there will be less tension between these two room-mates!

Mark:
This is another great story by Fred Van Lente. That dude’s been churning out one Spidey classic after another as of late. And more stunning art by Michael Gaydos. He never disappoints, either.

JD:
Well, while I do love Gaydos' art for certain projects, I'm not 100% on board with him as a Spidey artist. It's definitely solid work though, and gets the job done. It's just not as dynamic and engaging as Marvel's #1 title SHOULD be, in my eyes.

Mark:
Tune in next week, when we see Spidey face THE JUGGERNAUT!!!! Written by legendary Spidey Scribe ROGER STERN!!!!! Keep web-slinging, Web-Heads!!!!

The Blind Side of the Oscars

2010-03-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

Well, in my quest to see all of the top 10 nominations for best picture I watched "The Blind Side". This was a fun feel good movie, but apparently the Oscars felt bad because Sandra Bullock has never won for Best Actress. She wasn't horrible, but she wasn't outstanding.

The Blind Side was a 7.5 out of 10. This movie was based on a true story about an underprivileged kid, Quinton Aaron, that was taken in by a wealthy family to become a great football player. Throughout the whole story you see the typical feel good story elements, but nothing special from the actors or actresses. In fact I enjoyed the little son, Jae Head, the most. He seemed to be the comedic relief to wake me up from watching this film.

So to sum up this short review. It's not a must see, but you wouldn't regret watching it on TNT or some other television release.

Comic Review: The Anchor

2010-03-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

Reviewed by Tim Hershey:

The Anchor vol. 1, by Phil Hester & Brian Churilla, BOOM Studios

OK, I was really excited about this book. The marketing made it sound cool: “God’s Own Leg-Breaker!” I’m ready for pseudo-religious ass-kicking, mixed with some mythology. The promotional images were reminiscent of Mignola’s Hellboy! This was going to be a great read, with great visuals!

Wow. I have been hosed by marketing (yeah, that never happens…). This book was boring. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe I assumed that every idea that Hester has, because of his generally being accepted as a good storyteller by people in the industry, would be well-executed. Maybe my mental images of the art were too Mignola-esque, that no one (except Mignola) could meet my expectations. Well, no matter why, I was bored. From the first chapter to the last, I kept wondering when it would get more interesting. I turned the last page and decided I won’t need to pick up the next volume.

The nicest thing about this book was the $9.99 price tag. All trades should be this price. Yay! Way to go! With the price point. Whooo!

Up in the Air Review

2010-03-20T07:31:00.000-07:00

So I have been on a mission to watch all of the movies that were on the Oscar's Best Movies of 2009 Nominees list. So far I have seen 6 out of the 10. In this case I enjoyed the interesting movie that is "Up in the Air."

In this film we go on a ride of one man's life from terminal to terminal. George Clooney is Ryan Bingham, a man who works for a company that is hired to fire people. He goes on and on about how he travels 323 days a year and dreads the other 42 at home. Throughout this film Clooney is completely detached from any family and what seems to be emotion. After a full monolog of what he does and a montage of what could happen while firing someone he is called back home to be confronted with a dilemma, technology. In this information age, a hot shot, learned women, Anna Kendrick, joins the team and purposes they fire people through a web chat. With this economic saving plan Clooney is plagued by having to stay in one place, so he convinces his boss, Jason Bateman, that Kendrick isn't ready. So Bateman tells Clooney to teach her the ropes.

While in flight, Clooney meets his love interest, Vera Farmiga. In the word of Farmiga, "Just think of me as a copy of you with a vagina." With that said, they plan their schedules and meet up at passing cities to have a good time. With out going too much further into this film I would like to say I thoroughly enjoyed this film. Kendrick is somewhat the uptight comedic relief with Clooney and Farmiga sprinkling in some smug, quick wit lines of humor.

See this movie and make your own choice. I would love to hear your comments.

Weekly Web-up: Amazing Spider-Man 625

2010-03-19T14:19:00.000-07:00

Amazing Spider-Man 625
Writer: Joe Kelly
Artists: Max Fiumara
Colors: Fabio D'Auria

JD
Hey there Spider-philes, JD and MasterFilmMakerMarkMackner back again for this weeks Web-Up. More Gauntlet going on, this time returning to the Rhino Vs Rhino storyline from a couple issues back. As you'll recall, unless you're really bad at recalling things, the Old Rhino (Aleksei Sytsevich) has fallen in love and given up wearing the inpenetrable hide to be with his beloved Oksana. However, a douche has gotten himself a more techsavvy version of the Rhino suit and wields a scythe (cause Rhinos...do that?) and has it in his lil brain that he needs to defeat the Aleksei in order to "ascend" into being the new Rhino. I wasn't sure if the new Rhino was supposed to be the Gauntlet version or if he was just going to be a pawn in getting the old Rhino back into action. I saw both options as possibilities when TechnoRhino showed up, but it wasn't until this issue that I was sure...because ..well..they TOLD us. How did you feel about new TechnoRhino, buddyboy? And how did you feel about Aleksei's newfound peace and love?

Mark:
I LOVED that last Rhino issue! It gave some depth to Rhino’s character, and I appreciated that. He’s no longer the one-dimensional hired muscle. He’s conflicted. There was a part of him that kinda wanted to live a normal life. His finding and falling in love with Oksana was genuinely touching. How many super-villains ever get to know that sort of happiness, that many normal people take for granted every day? Still. As pleased as I was with these developments, and the excellent script by Joe Kelly, part of me was just a tad disappointed. I thought the point of the Gauntlet was to reintroduce the CLASSIC villains into Spidey’s “new” world, making them badder and deadlier than ever. So when it was Rhino’s turn, I was really excited. Rhino’s been one of my favorites since I was a kid. And for years now, the only time you’d see him would be in like, 3-page stories in “Spider-Man Family” and “Spider-Man Unlimited”. Except for his involvement in Reggie Hudlin’s inaugural Black Panther story, “Who Is the Black Panther?”, in which he was totally badass. And that SENSATIONAL SPIDER-MAN story “The Deadly Foes of Peter Parker” in which Rhino put Spidey in the hospital! But when they did the GAUNTLET ORIGINS: RHINO in WEB OF… recently, it looked like they were setting the stage for Rhino to be a fucking force to be reckoned with again. That Origin story rocked hard, and I couldn’t wait for more Rhino. But then, when we saw him in the Gauntlet, he was reformed. And in love. And out of the Rhino suit. Great story, but I was a bit disappointed. They had that great illustration on Rhino in the corner of the front cover, looking ready to smash Spidey into a fine paste. And what they gave us was this New Rhino. TechnoRhino, as you referred to him. I’ll admit. I was intrigued. He was a compelling character. Mysterious and powerful. And it was kinda neat that he wouldn’t use the name RHINO until he faced and bested the Original in combat. But why did he think the Rhino mantle was this high honor, like Knighthood, or becoming the New Cap or Batman? I mean, I always loved him, but Rhino was never really all that respected. And yeah, I could’ve done without the scythe. Actually, JD, if you look at it, it’s actually a giant rhino horn. That’s why he had it. So while I was hoping for an amped-up Original Rhino, I accepted New Rhino. And the fact that Original Rhino had hung up the hide, so to speak. Since New Rhino had been in touch with the Kravens, I just figured he was Gauntlet Rhino. And I’m happy to say I was totally WRONG!

JD:
Also in this issue, we're continuing the storyline of Peter being in the unemployment line, since last issue saw him irresponsibly doctoring a photograph for publication in order to help out JJJ, but was outed by the man he was attempting to help! Now our hapless hero hones in on near-homelessness since he cant pay his bills. Thankfully Cloe (from Smallville) Clone, Norah Winters decides to throw Pete a bone and get him taking some pics for her on the sly. No, not THOSE types of photos.. pics of the Naturalization Ceremony (wherein foreigners become Americans) which, coincidentally has Aleksei and Oksana on-hand and about to get into trouble. Take it, sir!

Mark:
Yeah, this is where the story really took some exciting turns! I’m thinking New Rhino’s just gonna bug Old Rhino until an inevitable showdown takes place. New Rhino makes a big scene, but Aleksei still goes the noble route, telling New Rhino what he wants to hear so he’ll go away and leave all these innocent people alone. Eventually, Old Rhino is forced into putting the Old suit back on (Yay!), and what comes next… HOLY FUCK!!!!! AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!! You know the showdown is gonna be good, but NOTHING like this! Old Rhino is BACK and he’s here to stay!!!! Badder and deadlier than ever! With an especially personal and nasty grudge against Spidey! So the next time we see him, it’s not gonna be pretty. Will he be recruited by the Kravens? Will he find out that they were pulling New Rhino’s strings, and that they are indirectly responsible for what happens to Oksana? I don’t know, but I’m totally stoked to find out! But this is the Rhino I’ve been waiting for for years! Big, bad, and brutal. And now he’s pissed! Spidey’s actually gotta be afraid of him now. I was stunned at some of the stuff in this issue. The fates of Oksana and New Rhino… WOW! Great story-telling! After the finale of the Mysterio story, this has been my favorite Gauntlet outing. Touching personal drama, kick-ass action, characters killed off, real emotion. When Spidey’s trying to keep Old Rhino from killing New Rhino… that was awesome. Things just continue to get worse for our hero! My feelings with this issue are best summed up by Norah Winters (And you’re right, btw. She’s totally Chloe from “Smallville”), LONG LIVE THE OLD RHINO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna see him fight the Hulk now. Remember when he’d fight the Hulk sometimes? Anyway, I give this issue an A+++!!!! Go get it!!!!! Ooh, and we’re now just 2 issues away from the RETURN OF THE LIZARD!!!!! SOOOO excited!!!!!

NEW DRUNKTARDS UP NOW!!!

2010-03-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

Join JD, Slai, NightPete, Uncle Dunklenutz, Lawgrl, The Hoss, and MasterFilmMakerMarkMackner for this edition of DrunkTards, pronounced JRUNKtards: a pop culture quiz show drinking game! Listen and play along at home!!!!

Comic Review: X-Men Hope #1

2010-03-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

Reviewed by Optimus Douche
Check out the original and all his others over at Aintitcoolnews!

X-MEN: HOPE #1
Writer: Duane Swierczynski
Artist: Steve Dillon
Publisher: Marvel Comics

Remember the great training montages from 80s movies like “Karate Kid” (“You’re the Best”) or any of the “Rocky” movies, those brief moments where our protagonist goes from zero to hero all in the course of two minutes and thirty-five seconds? If you went to the movies for those moments alone then you’ll love X-MEN HOPE, because it is basically the price we used to pay for the movies with training montages, minus the movie.

I’m not quite sure what I disliked most about this book. It could be the fact the most important child born in mutantdom, the only mutant born after M-DAY, grows from child to adult in four short vignettes and throughout it all we learn nothing about her. It could be the fact that it felt like Swierczynski and Dillon, both accomplished comic professionals, dialed in this issue more haphazardly then when I used to drunk dial ex-girlfriends. Most likely though it’s the fact that this is the seed for the next big mutant event, X-MEN: SECOND COMING and it feels as though it was planted with about as much care as a Mexican gardener high on peyote.

Truly if Marvel wanted to service this new lynchpin character and introduce her to those of us that have shunned her past exploits as a baby in the ancillary mutant titles, they should have actually taken the time to introduce her in a full blown out mini-series. I understand comic fans are hard to please; we perpetually bitch about padded titles and mini-series that are in place simply for the sake of sales. However, this isn’t just any character; she is clearly going to change the future of all mutant books in some capacity. That says to me she definitely warrants more than 5 pages per epoch of her life. I haven’t seen a kid grow faster since the FAMILY TIES brat went from baby to Kindergartner over one summer.

Essentially each 5 page story shows that Hope and Cable are close. Really, that’s what happened in each story. Cable shows her how to fight to survive and they close each vignette with “a very special” heartfelt awwww. These are the same lessons the X-Men have been getting for years inside the Danger Room, except now we see them without the Danger Room.

In the end analysis X-MEN: HOPE gives me very little, so I hereby rename this one and done (thankfully) X-MEN: NOPE.

Weekly Web-up: Amazing Spider-Man 624

2010-03-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

By MasterFilmMakerMarkMackner and JD!

JD:

Holy Crap! What a revoltin' development for Peter Parker! This issue drops a BOMB!

Welcome to our new weekly look at the Amazing Spider-Man, cause MasterFilmMakerMarkMackner and I are such huge Spidey fans. These articles will definitely be SPOILER editions! So beware that we will be revealing anything we want about the issues!

THE STORY

Looks like we're nearing the end of The Gauntlet, the villain-amping maxi-series that's been slogging it's way through the Amazing Spider-Man the past too many months to count (unless I were to...I dunno, actually COUNT them.) Spidey's been visited by The new Rhino and powered-up versions of many of his old foes, including an Electro who has a scar on his face that matches his silly old lightning-bolt mask, that can zap through power lines to teleport himself, a Sandman who can create hundreds of duplicate versions of himself and a Mysterio who...is still...just Mysterio? I don't think anything really happened with him..also, samesies go for Morbius. He was part of The Gauntlet, but nothing got amped up for him either, I don't think? What say you, MasterFilmMakerMarkMackner?

Mark:

First off, I’d like to address how tickled I am that MasterFilmmakerMarkMackner is now one word. Did I mention that my debut feature film, THE HALF-LIFE HORROR FROM HELL, is now on imdb? And that I won DrunkTards on Friday? What an eventful week for The Master. What’s that? Oh, this article is about SPIDER-MAN????? Hey, I love Spider-Man! And, for that reason, I’ll OBJECT to JD’s use of the term “slogging” up there, as though this storyline is hard to get through. I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way, but I just like being argumentative with him. What’s the question here? Why weren’t Mysterio and Morbius amped up like the others? I think the thing with Mysterio is that, well, the last time Quentin Beck Mysterio was mentioned in the pages of ASM, he was, well, dead. And now, well, he’s very much NOT dead. I think that’s enough of a “power-up” right there. THE RETURN OF THE ORIGINAL MYSTERIO!!!!! Fuck, yeah! He’s my favorite super-villain of all-time, you know. Because he’s not just a super-villain, he’s a PERFORMANCE ARTIST, just like me. He’s in it for more than just the money, and the EVIL (Though you can never count out THOSE elements). He wants to put on a show, to impress his fellow villains, and confound the heroes. His GAUNTLET story was the BEST so far, but I won’t harp on it too much as we’re here on another issue. Just real quick about Morbius, yeah, they didn’t do much with him. The story was fun and an easy read, so I certainly didn’t MIND it, but it was pretty disposable, I guess. And don’t forget that Mr. Negative had a GAUNTLET story. But he’s so new that a “power-up” wasn’t really required.

JD:

Yeah, not sure how I'm feeling about Mr. Negative..At any rate, these last two issues have been dealing with the return of the NEW Red Vulture (who isn't actually called Red Vulture, thankfully, we have enough useless red versions of characters running around the Marvel U, I'm sure you'll agree). Again, nothing really getting amped up about The Vulture other then the fact that he isn't old Adrian Toomes, which I'm sure Mark has something to say about, as a lover of the old Vulture. What happened to Toomes, is he still around? And how do you feel about Jimmy our new mobster Vulture? I think this one is definitely a tad more scary than an old man with a flying pack on, but as a barely speaking character, he doesn't really give you much to hang your hat on, emotionally.

Mark:

Yes, this New Vulture is a creepy customer, isn’t he? I like him! I think it’s kinda neat that he doesn’t say much; it sets him apart. He’s almost more of a monster, like Man-Bat, or something. And the vomiting thing he does is different. Kudos to the writing team of ASM! Normally, “new” versions of characters are the LEAST welcome additions to a title, but somehow, these guys have given us a New Kraven, New Vulture, and a New Rhino that seriously fuck shit up! YES, true, JD, I DO adore the classic villains, and there IS a part of me that says, “Hey, if you’re using Original Electro, Original Sandman, and even Original Mysterio, why NOT Original Vulture?” If you’ll recall, JD, we last saw Adrian Toomes during the “24/7” storyline from a couple of months back, when we first met New Vulture. Toomes is still in prison. Spidey visited him to see if he could dig up any dirt on New Vulture. Toomes was featured in the recent WEB OF SPIDER-MAN #6, orchestrating a fiendish plot from behind the prison walls. So, he’s still very much in the picture. He WILL appear in the green feathered suit again someday, I’m sure, so I’ll take comfort in that for now. For today, I’ll dig this New Vulture. He’s actually much more formidable than Toomes, but I will agree that you’re not gonna develop much of an emotional connection to the guy.

JD:

The ironic thing is that for all the vile villainous vamping that's been going on lately, Spidey's biggest problem stems not from an outside force, but from his own terrible choices. This issue sees Peter Parker taking pity on the tantrum-prone J. Jonah Jameson, and in a totally WTF-inducing moment, PHOTOSHOPS a picture that exonerates JJJ of the accusations that he's behind this new Vulture. However, JJJ calls a press conference and shames Peter on live television telling everyone that Pete faked the photo and advising anyone against ever hiring our protagonist ever again!! I couldn't believe it even as I was reading it! I have certain feelings as to whether or not the character of Peter Parker would actually make this move and falsify this photo for JJJ but that's me just being a fanboy. Let's stay inside the forth wall here. This is a huge development for Pete. This is going to have lasting repurcussions for sometime to come and I gotta say, I am surprised! Mark, you had told me that there was something that happens at the end of the book that would blow me away, and it's true! I don't care about the Vulture storyline half as much as I do this development in Pete's personal life. At least he could always fall back on his career as a Science teacher, no?

Mark:

Kudos sir, on “vile villainous vamping”! You know that I DO so adore alliteration! But, yeah, I did NOT in any way see this shit coming! I DID think it strange for Pete to photoshop the picture. Not because of any moral issues necessarily, but it’s just more of an issue of good sense, really. In this day and age, when any kid with a laptop can photoshop any image he finds online, did Pete REALLY think that his tinkering with a photo would stand as concrete evidence to clear a major politician in a high-profile scandal? Like that photo WOULDN’T be HIGHLY scrutinized by photography specialists? Seems he really didn’t think this one out very well. OK, so putting that aside. I’m thinking he’s probably gonna get in trouble for that. But the way JJJ turns on him at a very crowded press conference… WOW! Especially after that set-up, where Jonah’s going on about how he knew Pete since he was just a kid, and all of that. I thought he was finally gonna give Pete some love but then, BAM! Blackballs him from EVER working for another publication AGAIN! DEVASTATING! I was really LIKING having him back as a photog. It was a fun throwback that I was really enjoying. I guess that’s the end of that. Man. First the Daily Bugle building is destroyed, and now this. Lotta shit falling apart in PETER PARKER’s world. I agree, definitely heavier than anything going on with the New Vulture. That panel where Pete is about to cry is brutal. Poor guy! And he never defeats the villain, either! New Vulture has his revenge, Pete is publicly humiliated. A horrible ending for our beloved hero!

JD:

I can't wait to see where this takes us. Between Aunt May being a total douchnozzle due to Mr Negative effing with her, Peter Parker's home life is taking a turn for the worse!

Mark:

Agreed. Loads of dramatic possibilities here. Yes, the Aunt May situation is pretty funny. They shouldn’t drag that out too far, but for now, it’s making me giggle. And yeah, I would have to think that Pete would return to teaching. What else could he do? But after such a public lambasting, I would think it would be difficult for him to find a job teaching as well. If he’s depicted in the media as a sneak, then who’s gonna hire him to teach children? To quote Sam Shepard, “What a ratpile heap a’ dogshit situation!”

THE ART

First off, the cover of this issue is great. The battle-bloodied body of Spidey, with the looming shadow of The Vulture looming over him, a great image. Really well done. Also, I'm been enjoying the Gauntlet boxes in the upper left, featuring the issue number and a great illustration of the issue's character in question. It's a nice little element that ties all the Gauntlet issues together without being overbearing, a la the current design of the SIEGE Marvel books that are going on right now.

Mark:

Yes, the cover rocks hard! Great work. And yeah, those little boxes in the upper left are terrific. Some variant covers have those as the cover picture, but I haven’t been able to find any of those. They have that picture in the foreground, and behind that, they have a picture of Spidey’s first meeting with that villain, with the original Ditko or Romita art. Awesome. As for the inside, I liked this team on the Electro story, and they continue to impress me here.

JD:

The interiors, with art by Paul Azaceta and Javier Rodriquez is truly excellent at times. It isn't flashy at all, is there just to serve the story and is very easy to follow. No tricks here. HOWEVER, there are times when Spidey looks fat, or very bottom heavy at times, and there's one panel in-particular when Spidey is swinging after the Vulture and pulls his shoulder muscle where Fat-Spidey looks like his ribcage is bursting out of his skin underneath his costume. It's a really awkwardly drawn figure. For the most part it's pretty loose, fun work, but sometimes it's a little TOO loose. And there are panels that look like they were drawn with a Sharpey Marker, the linework is so thick.

Mark:

Um, I don’t recall Spidey ever coming across as fat in the issue, but I do remember the panel where he pops his shoulder and thinking that was a little off somehow. But yes, it’s very easy to follow, no flashy trick panels, like the Spider-Tracer shaped panels we’ve seen recently. The order of panels is very clear, the art is timeless in my opinion. OK, well that about sums up this ish. I’d give it an “A”. Great super-hero vs. super-villain action, and hard-hitting Peter Parker drama to boot. THAT’S the way to do it! The BEST Spidey writers know that there has to be a balance (To keep my INTEREST, ANYWAY), and the current Web-Heads are doing a fantastic job! Next up, more RHINO action! New vs. Original! I’m really looking forward to it! Rhino’s ALWAYS been a favorite! Till next time, Spider-Fans!

Listen to Episode 14! We do a Double-Take on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

2010-03-11T20:50:00.000-08:00

So, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the live-action movie, was the isht when it first came out, provided you were the right age for such things. Which, we happened to be.
Does it keep it's charm? Listen to JD, Slai and Kevin's opinions or else!
:)

A Capricious Pilgrimage: A Review of Scott Pilgrim Vol. 1 Precious Little Life by Bryan Lee O’Malley

2010-03-11T20:35:00.000-08:00

by Slai Washko

I was skeptical. I immediately delighted in the unconstrained and fun illustration style, but I feared relating in all the wrong ways having been a Chinese Catholic-schoolgirl who dated older men, like Scott’s ingenue-interest Knives Chau. (Though, “Hooray!” for Asian representation in a comic.)

However, being a songstress instead of a groupie freed me to appreciate this whimsical adventure of improvident youth. My adult veneer and my precocious inner child are having serious debates over this tale. The grown-up version wants Scott to get a real job and an apartment with at least his own room and to stop stringing along a puppy-loving idolizing high-schooler while pursuing a fishnet wearing rollerblade messenger with “evil” ex-boyfriends, but then there wouldn’t be much of story. The non-conformist, uniqueness-celebrating, do-what-you-have-to-do-to-be-happy-and-get-by part of me just enjoys the hell out of Scott and all the characters in his allegory, though I wonder less what life would have been like if I hadn’t decided to work full-time since I was 17 and have markedly achievable goals.

My favorite part of Scott’s world is his scaling system, the introduction of which is: “SCOTT PILGRIM; 23 YEARS OLD; RATING: AWESOME.” It is a simple and to-the- point critique of himself and his surroundings that delineates a nature that is bound to get him into trouble. I look forward to reading the other volumes, but am tentative about how much I want to read before the movie comes out. So whether you’re 20-something and want to dive into some entertaining 20-something angst and rock or you’re if feeling nostalgic, you’ll likely find inked doppelgangers of yourself or people you know. It’s worth a read.

Cheers! Yay!

Slai

P.S. This is the most hyphens I’ve ever used in one article.

Star Trek Online Review - by Optimus Douche

2010-03-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

by Optimus Douche

I figured PopTards needed an infusion of some gaming geeky goodness, so I’m taking a break from my comic book reporting duties on Ain’t It Cool News to describe my first month on the amazingly fantastic MMO Star Trek Online.

Since my mind is linear and obtuse, I’ll be delivering this round-up chronologically.

The Setting – A Time That Will Never Come

Set seventy some years after Spock and JJ Abrams irreparably split Star Trek continuity into two universes, you start the game imbedded firmly in what is now being called the Star Trek Prime universe. You know — that universe where the ship bridges did not look like a trip to the Apple® store? The universe where we had a Kirk, a Sisco, a Picard…the universe that we all grew up with and cherished as children. Yes the game is set in THAT universe — and it is glorious.

Don’t get me wrong I love the new movie, but while watching it I still had a nagging feeling that all I had loved was lost. Much the same way I feel with every Ret-Con or Crisis reset in comic books. Progression is good, but my long boxes would like to have some relevance.

This was the way to go though for an MMO. I firmly believe that after the plethora of TV failures and the mass love for the new Star Trek Universe, the Star Trek Prime Universe could only continue in this fashion…well, this or comic books. TV simply can’t compete with the production value of movies. Especially with the brilliant stage set by the good folks at Atari.

The entire universe is now at war. The Kitimer Accords crumbled and the federation is once again at war with the Klingons. The Romulans are still a bunch of shifty bastards. The Dominion lies in waiting for those intrepid explorers that level up high enough to blow past DS9…and let us not forget the…BORG!!!!!

Training Day

In what is probably the best use of “carrot stickiness” (i.e. rewards for playing the game), you start only being able to play for the Federation. Klingon, Romulan, Dominion and Borg characters only become available after you level up your primary Federation character. Smart move boys, as any MMO veteran knows, the ability to get lost in alt characters is sometimes too enticing and it means you never hit end game – just a lot of characters in the middle game ether.

So I created my avatar, a stately little Vulcan representing my Ain’t It Cool News pen name Optimous Douche…scratch that…the puritans at Atari don’t like the word “douche”…Ok, I shall henceforth be Optimous Dwuche, the first Vulcan with a cleft pallet.

Now that I am alive…I am plunked inside my starting ship. A small Defiant Class vessel; the “little engine that could” that kicked so much ass on DS9. This is the only part of the game that I would say lacked originality. My captain dies in a scuffle against the Klingons and I am placed in charge of the vessel – the same way so many great Captains before me ended up at the helm. We’ll get to space combat mechanics in a minute, just know that it is glorious.

After I take the helm I am placed with several other noobs inside a training instance where I combat a MOTHER-FUCKING BORG cube. A lowly Lieutenant and already I am helming a ship against the Borg…thank you Atari.

Once the cube is destroyed I am “plunked” again (this is not a slight – I have no idea how to traverse the universe yet) several miles above Earth’s stratosphere inside the federation’s primary space station. I’m told Admiral Quinn needs to see me immediately. Well, hell’s bells I better get moving. Thankfully Admiral Quinn’s door glows like a bug light. And like any good bug, I walk to the door, click and go. Once inside the Admiral’s Office, I’m given told that the Federation is in such a state that a little pee-on like myself gets to keep my ship and help defend the cosmos. Awesome! I love a war scenario where the forces have more equipment than qualified people to work it.

I get my first officer to place inside one of the two tactical slots at my ships helm and we are whisked away to our first ground training mission. More detail to come.

We complete our mission and voila back on the Sol system station and I start getting my real missions.

Space – The Awesome Frontier

One of the first missions you get is from the great-great Grandson of Sulu. The game is filled with this sort of continuity goodness. You meet everyone or their progeny from the original Star Trek universe. The two that standout for me have been baby Sulu and baby Paris the daughter of Tom Paris and Tores from Voyager. Sulu doles out the space defense and exploration missions – the grind if you will. While Admiral Quinn’s chores progress you through the main story. Remember this, even though Quinn gives you missions specific to your level, you will not always be able to complete them on your lonesome.

Sulu acclimates you to navigating the universe. The universe is divided into Sector Blocks, which contain 3 to 4 sectors. Each sector has a plethora of systems – and it is all traversable and playable. That equals a fuckload of content folks. I’ve been playing for a month now and have only traversed three of the fifteen or so sector blocks. I haven’t even begun to traverse each system in each sector.

Space combat is simply fun, far from a grind at all. It is simple enough for noobs, but not so simple that you ever feel as though you are being spoon fed the game. Yes, you die a lot. But if you play right using the abilities of your officers --- yes you can strategize yourself to safety.

Ground Missions – Getting Dirty

One of my chief complaints about MMOs is the plethora of fucktards that play along with you. I simply do not like to group as a rule of thumb because of these Ninja Looting asshats. With games like WoW and EQ, you have to group; you need the abilities of healers, warriors and enchanters to complete missions. In Star Trek Online you are your own group. Sure you can team with others and for some of the BIG missions you will HAVE to group, but for the most part, using your bridge officers as away team members you are your own group. Grab a tactical, an engineer and a science officer and you have all of the tanking, healing and buffs you need.

The ground missions are greatly varied between combat, hunt and pecks and diplomatic missions. You know just like the REAL Star Trek.

Final Analysis

I love this fucking game. It is a perfect way to continue a fictional universe I cherish…actually make that covet. As a game – simply stellar.

Episode 13 is up! KICK-ASS MOVIE REVIEW!

2010-03-04T07:11:00.000-08:00

Slai and JD were fortunate enuff to attend a special advance screening of new comicbook movie KICK-ASS! Hear us ramble about it before the movie even comes out! Up on the fence about whether or not you wanna see it? Steal our opinions as your own! Leave comments below!

Lost Discussion with Jess "The Hoss" Tutton

2010-02-26T05:04:00.000-08:00

Lost "The Lighthouse"

This was a pretty cool episode, leading to hopefully a super cool showdown episode next week. This episode was mostly about Jack being groomed by Jacob (via Hugo) to do whatever it is he needs him to do. Become Jacob? Do whatever Locke was supposed to do? Be the candidate to defend the island? Meanwhile, in never never land, or the alternative reality Jack has a kid. Huh- what? A teenage kid at that. When did that happen? And how did the plane not crashing cause him to have a son? That whole thing is still so unclear. Also unclear why blowing up the hatch caused the island to never exist. I guess we'll get more on that plotline later.

The lighthouse itself was a very cool image. It's neat to see how each degree on that giant wheel pointed to one of our beloved characters. It was cool to be able to see these things in the mirror. It didn't really reveal anything as of course we knew Jacob was following them. It just may fill in a bit of the "How?" The "Why", as usual in Lost-town, is ever elusive. What made Jacob select these specific people? And at such young ages?

I got chills with the part where Jacob said he had to save Hugo and Jack because they were important. I guess screw all those other temple dudes. They are smoke-monster-toast. I guess the only person we care about now is Sayid at the temple. But I digress to return to this point.

Claire has gone all Rousseau-crazy and her hair got really crazy. She's best friends with Man in Black (MIB)/ smoke monster. And she also talks to Christian Shepherd (Dad.) And they've convinced her the others in the Temple have her baby. Why though? In any case, they are all BFF now. And I bet once they get to the temple, Sayid will become BFF with them too now that he's all infected and such. Infected with what? Darkness? It's so hard to tell. It feels like Jacob may be the side of good, but is he really?

Pete absolutely hated the scene where they ran into Kate near the caves. It's like "Oh hi Kate." Convenience, much? I think it was just a plot device to steer us into fear of Claire killing Kate. See showdown, next episode, I am sure.

The scene inside the cave was pretty cool. I once saw an interview with the writers and they pointed several times to those two bodies in the cave as evidence they knew all along what they had planned for the series. They were somehow important to the plot. I liked Hugo's theory about dinosaur times. This is potentially possible after all.

Finally, who is coming to the island and how is he going to get there? It seems that was all a set up by Jacob to get Jack thinking about destiny-stuffs, but it did seem possible someone is on his way.

Best line of the episode, from Hurley to Jack, "This is old school" where they were wandering through the jungle and not sure why, on an adventure. And it was.

Looking forward to the episode they couldn't even show us a few frames of... hopefully it's bad ass.

Discuss amongst your self. Or selves...

Creative Cattle Prods

2010-02-22T20:21:00.000-08:00

So Ladies and Gents, this week I have a two-for. I’m feeling perhaps a little creatively stale in the cold of this winter of which I had grown unaccustomed, in the midst of corporate drudgery and am turning back to those guides that have previously paved my way to productivity.

My first recommendation is The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron. This book was introduced to me by my beloved friend and fellow writer, Anath, a maven of entertainment industry research. The Artist’s Way is a 12-week course with exercises to draw out the muse which is your life and have it whisper in your ear encouraging words of inspiration, and from my experience does so wonderfully. I followed The Artist’s Way, firstly and lastly, toward the end of May 2008 during a rather tumultuous year and found that I had written about 600 pages by the end of the 12 weeks, which was well beyond the basic assignment of writing three pages a day. It was a catharsis akin to a cleansing cerebral colonic that left me thoroughly smeared...with ink and thankfully not the alternative. My other well-enjoyed pseudo-task was the weekly Artist’s Date, where one discovers and decides his or her own(unless assigned specific to the week) creative longing and satiates that hankering solo to avoid the potential of people pleasing and outward judgment. However, be forewarned: I have previously discussed it with other AW students, those unlike myself who has a bit of a loner streak, and it may seem more challenging if you’re not comfortable doing things like going to a movie or taking yourself out to an exotic dinner sans companionship, but the process is so very worth being outside your comfort zone.

My other book of approbation is The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield, and I believe Amazon referred it to me in its fastidious tracking and marketing, though I am appreciative none the less. The War of Art is considerably shorter and a simple structure to pragmatically put forth creative work. It emphasizes the importance of healthy habits and making your art a priority, which for an artist makes herself or himself a priority in a world that may or may not be supportive or in the very least selectively responsive.

I am about to journey again with these codices as my compass. If anyone out there would like to join me, please write in and we’ll form our own AA(Artists Anonymous) until we’re happy enough with our creations to be uncloistered. I hope perusing was amusing.

Gratefully...Cheers! Yay!

-Slai

Movie Review by Pete Tutton: Street Fighter

2010-02-19T10:54:00.000-08:00

Let’s be honest. Street Fighter II could never have been made into a good movie. I don’t care if Martin Scorsese and Steven Speilberg had a three way with Peter Jackson while James Cameron gently touched himself in the corner, the resulting love child could not make compelling cinema out of this video game title.

    First of all, there is no plot. It’s people fighting each other. There’s a countdown timer, a damage bar, some people pumping their fists in the background. Nothing of substance. No princess to rescue, no world to save, no alien race to vanquish. I guess there’s a tournament to be won or something. Buttons were mashed, feelings were hurt, shoryukins were thrown but in the end, Street Fighter is just a fighting game with lots of characters.
    Street Fighter the movie lives up the example set by the video game by having no plot. OK it does have a plot but it’s pretty sketchy. Bison, played with wide-eyed fury by the late Raul Julia is some kind of warlord who has taken over the fictional Far East burg of Shadaloo City, or Yabba Dabba Doo City, or Sha Na Na City. I forget. It doesn’t matter. It’s up to the AN to take him and his storm trooper goon squad out of business. Don’t let their powder blue uniforms fool you, this is the AN. Not the UN. Waaaaaaay different. This is that other multinational peace keeping force. Is the UN copy righted? Will they sue you for using their name? I guess so.
    All of your favorite characters from the game are in this thing. Chun Li, played by Mulan, is a reporter with some hidden kung fu skills. Guile, played by the unintelligible force of nature known as JCVD, is a colonel in the AN leading the offensive against Bison. And boy howdy, is it offensive. Let’s just say, there’s a stealth boat. More on that later.
    Sagat is played by an eye-patch-ed Wes Studi, the guy who has gotten 90% of all Native American roles for the last 20 years. He Tiger Uppercuts no one. He’s some kind of gangster and Vega is his love slave. Oh yeah. Vega spends much of the movie literally up Sagat’s ass. He swings his braided pony tail around with major sass-itude. You go girl with your adamantium claws. 3 snikts up in a Z-formation. Mmmm Hmmm!
    Ken and Ryu are a couple of thieves who get tapped to infiltrate Bison’s crew. They are portrayed by a pair of martial artists so bland, they make Affleck look like Brando. And they don’t have the ability to shoot stuff out of their fists. Weak!
    There’s an Indian scientist who I think is supposed to be Dhalsim. I wasn’t playing close enough attention but he didn’t once utter the phrase “Yoga flame” so I could be wrong. He’s doing Bison’s evil bidding against his will by trying to turn Guile’s buddy Charlie Blanka into an evil super soldier. We know this because he’s held captive in a box with tv-goggles strapped to his face playing a loop of violent imagery to turn him eeeeeeevil! Every once in a while there’s a voice that announces to all the scientist in the room that “the subject’s muscle mass has increased by 51%.” Five seconds later it informs us that “the subject’s muscle mass has increased by 52%.” If I were a scientist, which I’m not, I think that would get annoying after about 9%. At one point, Dhalsim manages to flip the evil video footage over to footage of babies and flowers so Blanka doesn’t turn into a complete dick. There’s even a gauge in the room measuring his evil levels. Thank God Dhalsim was able to keep that bad boy from reaching 100%. After emerging from the evil box, Blanka looked like Mickey Rourke as an evil clown. He’s covered not with blue fur, but with beefy facial prosthetics and a big red wig.
    The Russian guy is there too, so is the Mike Tyson rip off boxer. E. Honda is a former sumo on Chun Li’s action news team. Cammy is played by singing non-actress Kylie Minogue. She’s huge in the UK for some reason. Did she sing The Locomotion? I don’t know, I’m not British. My favorite character in the whole film is not a game character at all but a Japanese AN soldier with a tenuous grasp on the English language. He addresses Col. Guile as Coll-o-nell. He pauses in inappropriate times mid sentence. He’s a national treasure. In Japan. Where he knows the language. He should stay there.
    Now to that stealth boat. Let’s think about this practically. Do we need to make the boat invisible to radar? Probably not. Not so sure that Bison is using radar to monitor the rivers of Yabba Dabba Doo City to check for marauding boats. So the assault commences, Guile, Cammy and Japanese guy are all up in a boat, speeding toward the fortress. Stealth mode gets activated and the boat goes all invisible. Not invisible to radar, invisible to eyeballs. That’s cloaking, people. Not stealth. Watch Star Trek some time. Bison switches on his video surveillance and what does he see? The wake of an invisible boat shooting rockets and shit. Aim at the waves! There may or may not be an invisible boat causing them!
This movie was written and directed not by Uwe Boll, but by Steven E. DeSouza, writer of Die Hard, Commando and The Running Man. DIE HARD! On the other hand, he also wrote Die Hard 2. And the Flintsones. But come on, man, Die Hard. That’s a fucking good movie. Yippie ka yay motherfucker! Awesome. Classic shit.
In closing, Street Fighter based on the Capcom video game Street Fighter II is a shit movie. But there’s a stealth boat. So there’s that.

Episode 11 is up! Movie Review: The Wolfman

2010-02-18T12:39:00.000-08:00

Spoiler Alert!!! So go see it and then come back and torture your ear drums.

Weekly LOST Discussion! by Jess "The Hoss" Tutton

2010-02-17T12:07:00.000-08:00

Episode 4: The Substitute

Things are becoming clearer, aren't they? As we thought previously, Jacob has been selecting people to bring to the island. This is why he touched them. And why the Man in Black knew how people keep ending up on the island. The Man in Black states that Jacob wants them there as replacements. However, it is unknown if everything he states is true. It was cool to see the last names of our castaways behind the famous "numbers." It is also interesting to see how early on Jacob chose some of our castaways.

Which brings me to my new theory. Perhaps the parallel universe we are seeing, sans plane crash is the world that would exist if Jacob had not chosen to bring certain people to the island. This may explain how Ben is a school teacher. However, fate is fate, and without Jacob's intervention, it seems that certain paths were meant to cross. Maybe this would help to explain why certain things are different. Like why Hurley is happy or something, and not afraid of the numbers anymore. It does not explain why Locke lived unless it was not Jacob who prevented him from dying. Who knows.

Also of interest this episode- the boy? Was it a young Jacob? Was it someone else? Is he a ghost? Is he a ghost of a formerly dead Jacob? As we know, the Man In Black, has inhabited other bodies once he died as a human. Perhaps this is the age that Jacob first died at, and Jacob later went into another body. Who knows? All we know is that kids can't be born though, and he had on some old ratty looking clothes. My guess is that he is from a former time- but when? His warning to man in black was "You can't kill him." Did he mean, you can't kill Sawyer? As Richard hinted he might? Or did he mean you can't kill Jacob? As in those are the rules? Or as in Jacob can't really die? Many possibilities.

Well Man in Black did not kill Sawyer, but did recruit him. As Richard said he would. Richard also warned that he wanted Sawyer and everyone else dead. He is seemingly playing to Sawyer's desire to get off the island. But as true to his dark nature, it does not seem possible that he is all the way telling the truth. Richard seems very very afraid. Yes Man in Black wants to get off the island, but what does he want to do when he leaves? Does he want to kill many people- is this what Richard is referring to? I do think there is some sort of balance between the Man in Black and Jacob, that has been offset and the Man in Black may be dangerous not only to the island- but to the world at large. He may want the world dead, in some kind of satany apocaylpse kind of way, and hence his need to "recruit."

I do not think it is an accident that Jacob is the name of a ruler. Jacob is a name with significance in the bible, and Jacob was often at odds with others. I was re-reading some Biblical information today and there were some similar themes. Not to say that this about God or anything or the bible, but it may be that there are some recurring historical themes between good and evil.

I really enjoy the alternative reality Hurley and how he is so happy and granting wishes left and right. He seems like an angel. Interesting that Locke was with his girlfriend as they had been broken up before the crash of the light. So some past realities have been resolved. However, Rose still has cancer. Things are messed up, past and present, it's not like everything was fixed from the time of the bomb on...

The more I've given thought to this episode, the cooler it seems.

Anyways, please do discuss amongst yourselves, lots of good food for thought this week....

Weekly LOST Discussion! Part 2 - by Jess "The Hoss" Tutton

2010-02-12T07:16:00.000-08:00

LOST review, Season 6, Episode 2 "What Kate Does"

Sorry this is a little delayed folks, by internet was misbehaving in the Blizzard (the second one) of 2010. Also sorry for all the questions and stream of consciousness. But, this is LOST. It's hard to peg down.

This episode was okay. I wasn't on the edge of my seat or anything. It seems to be one of those episodes that seemingly continues to string us along, leading us into begging for more information. What did we learn? Not too much this time around. Well, we saw that Clare is still alive though the "new Others" say she is "infected." Her new style and ways seem to imply she is Rousseau-ing it up. Also, all this talk of "infection" is very season 1-3. Rousseau said this is what happened to her team. And we do know they died somewhere around the temple as we saw Jin help them last season, in a time travel twist. What is this infection? We don't know. Rousseau didn't die but her crew did, will Sayid die... again? Is this a physical disease or a spiritual disease? When they brought Sayid back to life, they noticed that the water wasn't clear, was that part of the problem? These are the same people who revived Ben. Was something different about Ben's revival? Just some interesting things to think about.... Kate is also very interested in meeting up with Claire. Is Clare dead? Was Rousseau already dead when we saw her? And why do you need to poke someone with hot sticks to figure out if they are infected?

It doesn't appear that Sayid is being inhabited by Jacob. Who knows. When the Man in Black inhabited Locke, he had two bodies, so I guess that kind of makes sense. But, I don't think we've seen the last of Jacob.

In the other plotline, after they get off at LAX, it seems Kate still plays a role in Claire's birthing of Aaron. The adoptive family can not adopt Claire's baby. It seems that even on the other plane of existence, in one way or another, things happened as they did on the island. It does seem that a common theme seems to be that as Daniel had said, things are meant to happen and will happen no matter what. Interesting to see Ethan reemerge in the hospital. Why is he not on the island? It also appears that some of them recognize each other in some way, so it will be interesting to see how that angle plays out. Will the end be the same in both places, stay tuned.

I think a theme of this whole season , and really the whole series- is two different teams. Dark versus light. Good versus bad. Team man in black versus Jacob team. It's confusing to think how Clare and Rousseau fit in, along with our LOST castaways. Who is good and who is bad? Is there a good or a bad, or just a "dilemma"?

We saw Rob McElhenney of "It's Always Sunny" fame reprise his role - briefly- as Aldo. This gave us a general tee hee in our household.

Feel free to post away about things you noticed, or any clever ideas you might have, or any questions. Goodness knows you could write a dissertation on such things. So keep the discussion going!

Episode 10 is up! JRUNKtards

2010-02-11T09:25:00.001-08:00

Enjoy our crappy drinking game quiz show!!

...I said ENJOY IT!

Comics: Demo #1

2010-02-07T13:34:00.000-08:00

Demo Vol 2, #1
The first maxi-series titled Demo, brainchild of indy superstars Brian Wood and Becky Cloonan, was a fantastic collection of one shots, detailing the trials of "real life" characters having some sort of paranormal power. Basically, an indy take on mutants. And, for the most part, it was great. There were perhaps one or two issues that didn't really capture me the way the rest of the series did. Sadly, with the inaugural story of this second volume, this issue is one of those. Becky Cloonan's artwork is, as always, engaging and dynamic..but Wood's story hinges on the ending; the answer that the main character is seeking. Which, from the beginning, seemed obvious and, if I may, a bit "been there, done that".

And an argument might be made that it's not the destination, it's the journey. Not in this case, I'm afraid. It's a one-shot and therefore the story isn't really given any room to breathe. Joan's recurring nightmare, her increasing obsession over that nightmare, the fact that she's been up for 9 days straight. None of that is really FELT, it's just SAID. So, while this story is too quick to really get involved, it also would have been a shame to give it any more definition since the ending was obvious from the beginning.

However, I'm still very optimistic about the rest of the series, I just wish this issue had been placed somewhere in the middle of the series, as it wasn't the best one to start off with.

Comic Review: The Bomb

2010-02-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

The Bomb – Steve Mannion

The term ‘guilty pleasure’ has become both overused and a defensive shield for enjoying music, games, tv, etc, that others might possibly snub their noses at:

Sublime tribute band? Guilty pleasure.

Straight to DVD movies with poor CGI monsters? Guilty Pleasure.

Any Stephen King book in the last 20 years? Guilty Pleasure.

The time has arrived ladies and gentlemen to cast aside the moniker of Guilty Pleasure, grab your privates, raise your middle finger, and scream in a faux British accent, “Sod off! I fekkin’ love this!” Have pride in your opinions and trust in your taste.

The Bomb is just such a beast. Essentially, the book is about a vamped -up pugilistic roller skating Bettie and Veronica imagined by Big Daddy Ed Roth, Mad Peck, Sam Keith, or John Kricfalus running around fighting zombies, Nazi-doctors, and mindless mutant thugs who are, as per usual attempting to ruin the collective lives of the Cleavers.

Mannion’s world is brimming with page girl vixens and ham-fisted violence. He makes dutch-oven jokes and moose antlers seem sexy and fun. Mannion’s dialogue is reminiscent of Bazooka Joe comics with the same rim-shot punchlines. What this collection lacks in cohesion and plot (it reads like years of restarted mini-comics pasted together) it makes up for in the beauty and whimsical nature of the art. Each panel is a toss back to pre-comic code excellence without feeling cliché or forced. It is clear Mannion loves his work.

The book has, for me, destroyed the concept of Guilty Pleasure. I feel no guilt what-so-ever in stating that despite the lack of significant cohesion of the book, I am ready to shell out more money for Mannion’s current book Fearless Dawn.

Comics: The Unwritten, Vol.1

2010-02-04T06:15:00.000-08:00

The Unwritten: Vol 1. Tommy Taylor and the Bogus Identity

Mike Carey and Peter Gross

Reviewed by Kire Carlson

Harry Potter is a chump. J.K. Rowling, despite her fame and billions, managed to patchworks bits of Tolkien and Vertigo's Books of Magic into a commercial tapestry which covered the world in milquetoast colors of feigned originality. Lost in the stitches of Rolwing's tale was that of Timothy Hunter; Vertigo's be-speckled and orphaned world mage. But really, where is the harm in that?

Carey and Gross, both of whom muddled about in Hunter's universe either directly or indirectly, have sought to claim what Rowling had stolen from society. Stories with punch. The tale of Unwritten begins as simple satire: Young Tommy Taylor, or Tom as he begs to be called, is the living blueprint of his father's bestselling fictional character: An aged Christopher Robin or a twenty-sometihng Alice Liddell. The disappearance of the real Tom's father has the world salivating with questions and accusations. A sudden scandal following TommyCon, divides the legion of fans into those who believe he is a fraud and those who are convinced he is the second coming. What follows is a traversing of the literary world and enough allusions to satisfy any bibliophile.

Carey does what Carey does best. He leaves enough plot holes exposed to keep astute readers curious and willing to sit through anything. Those who followed his Hellblazer run will remember that it took him over a year to resolve many of the extensive an plot issues. Cary is a master storyteller and for those patient enough to follow him, the payoff rarely fails. Gross' work, although typically inconsistent and seemingly stuck in the 80's, is still stronger than most Vertigo books and in no way detracts from the overall story. In fact, it dose what the best Vertigo books do, it causes a healthy confusion in the reader as one tries to discern why TommyCon would have other authors featured or a family event would allow slash fiction depicting Tommy tooting his Magic Horn to be prominently displayed.

Ironically, the strongest tale in this TPB is not the Tommy stories but a tale of Rudyard Kipling, Oscar Wilde, and MArk Twain. Carey so convincingly appropriates these authors into his world, that one immediately empathizes with them and, because of this, Carey manages to turn Disney's vision from a kid friendly sing-a-long-for-profit into an allegorical attack on the powers that be.

Essentially, Unwritten is about possession. It is about who owns the stories we love. It is about the freedom of expressing ideas. It is about owning an identity and the repercussions of such a task. It is the invisible thread which holds together stories and connects the real world's greatest escape: Stories.

If you are not already, it is about time you open your mind to the world of literature and read the Unwritten.

Weekly LOST Discussion!

2010-02-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

Season 6, Episode 1 & 2 (LAX Parts 1 and 2)
by Jessica "The Hoss" Tutton

I don't think there is any real way to "review" LOST, so I think the best forum for a weekly discussion of LOST would be a discussion format. I will post some of my thoughts and questions after an episode, and feel free to share your thoughts and feelings as well in the comment section below.

Let me to start by saying how bittersweet Season 6 of LOST is. It's great to finally see the show getting some answers, but sad to know all good things come to an end. However, I think a forced ending will enable the show to go out strong, and prevent any more "Nicky and Paolo" incidents (which the writers have apologized for since!) I am not at all confused by the show, I like the questions it poses. I love shows and movies were I am not handled all the details at once. I like trying to figure things out, and being left with some open doors. Thankfully, the writers of the show want to continue on in this fashion, answering many questions but leaving some hanging out there. In a recent Entertainment Weekly article, they say, "We don't want to explain everything the way midicholorions did for Star Wars." And thank goodness for small favors.

That being said, we did learn some interesting things last night. We learned the man in black is actually also the Smoke Monster. Which brings in the option of the Man in Black and Jacob being able to take on various forms. We also revisited the theme of the "universe has a way of course correcting"- Charlie told Jack "I was supposed to die." Someone on a forum I read pointed out that Kate and Clare were together, so maybe Kate will help Clare deliver Aaron after all. And of course, Christian Shepherd's body is "lost." Jack and Locke had a discussion about faith at the airport.

We also had some more questions raised. Here are some of mine:
- Are we dealing with parallel universes here? How did the past get changed as well? For example, Locke maybe went on a walkabout and Hurley feels lucky as they pull into LAX.
- Did Jacob jump into Sayid's body? Pete guessed this last night and I like the idea. Jacob did go and ask Hurley for help, not to save Sayid's life.
- Why was Desmond on the plane?
- Why wasn't Shannon on the plane? (Not that I miss her mind you, Boone said she decided to stay in her relationship.)
- Why couldn't the Man in Black leave the island, but Jacob can? And wouldn't it be dangerous for him to leave the island with his smokiness? I keep thinking the battle between Jacob and Man in Black is good versus evil and really what this is all about? Or is Man in Black's "home" not off the island?
- How is the Widmore vs. Ben thing going to fit in to everything else? Ben seems clueless. However, there have been indications before that Ben and Widmore could not kill each other.
- Are there multple time dimensions/ parallel universes- for example- we see the island underwater?

Anyways, just some thoughts after watching the first episode(s). LOST always makes you think a whole bunch. I thought it was a really great dive back into the spirit of what makes us love LOST. We have some questions, some answers, and only a few more episodes to discover it all. Stay tuned...

Jrunktards...Coming to an Eardrum near you!

2010-02-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

So the time has come to unleash what will be the worst game show (in the audio format, silly I know) ever to hit your ears. We test our wits against each other while tackling questions and drinking. Expect expletives, slurring and dumb comments that have nothing to do with the answer.

So by now you are wondering, "How is the game played?" I'm so glad you asked, the game has 3 Sections: Movies, Comics & More and the Lightning Round. Each round is a little different.

Movies:

Quotes - Name that Movie

Word Association - Name that Movie (3 clues)

Comic Books & More:

Straight questions - Multiple Choice and Trivia Questions

Lightning Round:

Categories Scramble - Start with a Category and a crossfire of things in that category

Now you know how it is played you are definitely asking, "How does one win?" Well you determine that. After listening to the podcast you send us your vote. Either on our facebook page (facebook.com and search "Poptards Podcast!") or email us at info@poptardsgo.com. We will then reveal the winner the next episode.

After reading this, if you are interested in participating there are several ways you can. You can submit questions and categories via facebook or email or you can join us in the shenanigans when we record again. Hope to hear from you guys soon. We are recording this weekend so keep your ears to the ground for some cheekiness.

PopTards & PopCorn: The Room

2010-02-03T07:09:00.000-08:00

By: Jess "The Hoss" Tutton

My husband and I spend some time looking at the 'Youtubes' for hilarity. We went on a binge once of internet lists of best of worst movies, and joyfully watched scene after scene. While I don’t think “The Room” is the worst movie ever made, it surely is on someone’s Top 20 list. It’s the kind of movie where you expect people to start shedding clothes as you think to yourself, “Surely the crappy dialogue, and 8^th grade play-style sets must ensure this is pornography.” But, no. This is a seriously crafted movie. That is what makes it worth writing about here. In fact, the advertisements bill it as having the passion of Tennessee Williams, at the same time being a lighthearted comedy. I don’t remember much about my English classes in high school, but I DO remember Tennessee Williams is not a jovial kind of guy. I also really seriously doubt the producer was making a comedy. Maybe he just forgot how to make a pornography and had to cover it up somehow?

The “star” of this movie is Tommy Wiseau, who is also credited on screen as both the movie's producer and executive producer. As per Wikipedia, “Without any studio support, Wiseau spent over $7 million on production and marketing for the film. Wiseau promotes the film as a black comedy and insists that its humor is actually intentional, although cast members have publicly disputed these claimsand many audience members generally view the film as a poorly-made drama.”

Tommy Wiseau looks like he stepped right out of a Warrant video from the late ‘80s, or worse, the early ‘90s. This film was made in 2003. He wears white baggy pants, a long mop of hair, and he walks like he has two large packages of salami taped to his inner thighs. He looks like some sort of German form of Milli Vanilli. This man gives acting and directing, and frankly spending $7 million, a bad name.

Actually, let me just stop this review right here, as I just realized, there is NOTHING to review here. It’s just that bad. It would be just a waste of yours and my time to give it any sort of credence and seriously considering the “plot” or “actors” should be taken seriously. Let’s not fool ourselves here folks. Instead, I will present a list of things that make “The Room” worthy material to consider if you are let’s say bored and needing a laugh, or trying to create some sort of fun new drinking game.

1) Wiseau films everyone’s exit from a scene. Pro-long-ed-ly. Apparently he hasn’t discovered a little tactic those in the biz refer to as “editing.” There are at least 20 minutes in the film of entry and exit. Without words. So realistic! What is Spielberg thinking?

2) Whenever Wiseau’s character (Johnny) enters a scene, he addresses someone as “Oh, Hi __________.” As woodenly and lack of affect-ly as possible. Because my friends, that is how good movies are made. And how you address all of your friends

3) Wiseau’s character (Johnny) has a best friend named Mark. We know that they are best friends because Johnny tells us over and over again that they are best friends. Johnny also repeatedly tells Mark, “I am so glad you are my best friend.” However, you see these two together, and you can’t possibly imagine on what planet these two could be friends. It’s kind of like a T-Rex and a sweet little kitten hitting it off. Huh? How? Right.

4) Mark is amazing. He looks like he fell off a truck headed to a Baywatch convention.

5) Lisa is the conniving girlfriend of Johnny and centerpiece of the film. Lisa looks like she gets her hair and make-up advice from Teen Magazine circa 1988. I know this because this is when I read Teen magazine. You couldn’t be less interested in Lisa. Yet all of the men in the movie are head over heels for her, and she is able to wrap them around her finger. Even though all she does is bitch at people and lie about being pregnant, which no one challenges her on…

6) There are enough plotholes in this movie to devour a small town/ Hellmouth style for all the Buffy fans out there. Here is an example. Claudette states in a nonemotional tone,^“I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.” And this is never discussed again at any point in the movie. Of course. And why would it be?

7) The biggest insult in the movie is referring to someone as a “chicken.” Be still my beating heart at such a horrible insult. And guess what? They ACTUALLY act it out. And not well. You think acting like a chicken would be mere childs-play. Wiseau looks something like a man being shot with a semi-automatic 20-30 times in slow motion. Chickens everywhere are deeply offended.

8) The flower shop scene. I can’t even do it justice. It’s like someone wrote words down on a paper, had people recite them, and then played them back in high speed dubbing. With as little emotion as humanly possible. In fact, scratch that. This scene had to be done by cyborgs. There is no other way. Here it is, in all of its glory:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S9Ew3TIeVQ

Well, considering I never actually WATCHED this film, just watched about 30 minutes of it on Youtube, and thereafteredly wrote this review in 20 minutes, I think my work is pretty slamming. Really, you don’t need to see the film. I would strongly suggest watching some of the clips on Youtube. This is a pop culture site, so I figured it was okay, and I wanted to kick something in as a Poptards submission. Sadly, this has been bouncing around in my head since I watched it last night and I really needed someone else to enjoy it. Besides, I have to get back to work people.

PopTards Episode 9 is UP!

2010-02-01T12:11:00.001-08:00

Uncle Dunklenutz, Slai and JD start a new segment called DoubleTake wherein we watch and discuss a classic from our childhoods..this episode, we're talking Teen Witch (1989) and then come back to the present to talk about Legion and Youth in Revolt!

PopTards and Comic Panels: Joe The Barbarian Review

2010-01-26T21:40:00.000-08:00

KEN-u-DIG-it Reviews:

Joe the Barbarian

Writer: Grant Morrison

Artist: Sean Murphy

Colorist: Dave Stewart

Publisher: Vertigo (DC)

***Spoilers!!! Spoilers!!! Spoilers!!!*** Though, in my opinion, I’m not sure if anything is really a big reveal, but better to be safe!

Finally! Grant Morrison doing a Grant Morrison type story in a Grant Morrison type comic. “Joe the Barbarian” gets Morrison back doing what I like best about him. Taking characters that I don’t really know, and just messing shit up. So far it’s just the one issue, but already Joe (and the reader) is thrown into a new and confusing world. That means I’m on board.

The story starts off with a rather overused character; the outcast teen. But hey, it’s probably one of my favorites, so bonus points right off the bat. It’s your basic set-up issue. We learn a little bit about Joe’s life. Meet a possible supporting cast. Find out he can teleport himself into a fictional world made up of his toys. Wait… what?!?! This is where I know I’m reading Morrison. I’m confused already. In a good way, of course. Joe doesn’t seem to be too shocked that he’s magically whisked to another world, as if this isn’t quite new to him. Whether this is all real, or some sort of side effect, I’m not quite sure.

Joe could be passing out from what I’m guessing is diabetes, as his mom, earlier in the issue, reminds him to eat his candy, and at one point, Joe seems to be fumbling for an insulin pen. Or he could be a bit not all there in the head as we see him holding down a one sided conversation with his pet rat (mouse?). My initial thought was that of the movie, “The Butterfly Effect,” when the main character was able to time travel to certain parts in his life by reading his old journal entries. Joe had been in the middle of sketching, and after an initial jolt of teleportation, he tried to calm himself by writing a few words on a piece of paper to read.

Either way, I’m very intrigued to see what the explanation is, and where it all leads. Especially with the 2-page spread near the end involving Joe’s come-to-life toys surrounding him. I geek-gasmed in my pants a little seeing favorites like Batman and Robin, Transformers, G.I.Joe, He-Man, Santa, and so many more. If only there was a lightsaber thrown in too, this would’ve been my childhood dream.

And of course, this spread couldn’t have been more perfectly done. That’s all thanks to artist, Sean Murphy. I remembered seeing his name on books before, but I know now, I’ll never forget his art again. I love your more “realistic” looking art of say, Jim Lee, David Finch, Ethan Van Sciver, but my heart belongs to the more stylistic of say, Gabriel Ba, Rob Guillory, Paul Duffield. Sean Murphy is now high on this list. And it works so well in this book. His depiction of Joe’s attic room alone deserves some kind of award. It’s a child’s dream! Rope ladder, bunk bed, hanging electric train set, and toys, toys, toys!

Also, I have to give colorist Dave Stewart much love on his drab, 70’s looking color spread. No matter what, when I see his name attached to a comic, I know I’m at least getting something good to look at.

Overall, I highly recommend this book for diehard Morrison fans, or just indie lovers in general. A good solid start off, with plenty of mysteries and questions.

PopTards & PopCorn: Zombieland by Kire Carlson

2010-01-22T12:25:00.000-08:00

(Kire thought he'd be a smartass and submit this as his review...so I thought I'd be a smartass and post it anyway - Jd):

Halfway through the film the cast stops to watch Ghostbusters.
It occurred to me that I suddenly wished I was at home also watching Ghostbusters.

The End.

Time Keeps on Ticking by Slai Washko

2010-01-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

This week I find myself without a specific media of which I’d like to speak, though I am actively reading, listening, and watching. Three weeks into a new year has me pondering and planning, analyzing and architecting.

Time, that commodity and ever-waning measurement of our lives, is on my mind as of late. I am making it a point to enjoy mine as I hope you are as well.

Before moving back to Pennsylvania in July from L.A. I worked a minimal of 60 hours a week, my record being 93 hours in one week amongst four jobs. I was quite proud at the time. Proud that I was so wanted for my skills and proud that I was physically capable, for reasons I may or may not reveal if you follow my writing. However, there is a price for this pride. I connected with friends and fans of mutual interests through social networking sites more than in person for lack of time and was simultaneously less connected.

Now, 6 months into a lifestyle where I actually have time to spend with friends new and nostalgic, time to further reconnoitre all the arts that revive for me why it’s so miraculous to be human, and time to be well-rested enough to not question my acumen as much, I am valuing all those who purposefully produce that which provides education, entertainment, and salubrious escapism.

In this time of economic instability and insecurity when we can be made to feel like peons despite all we may have to contribute, when we are easily reminded of reprobate representatives of the lesser aspects of “civilization” in the daily news, and when destruction can temporarily overshadow restoration, this is the time we need to acknowledge those that progress our culture forward: artists, heroes, and healers.

Often these archetypes are hidden in the monotony of our quotidian routines, but really, they are wherever you find them. They are waiting to be discovered and inspire you. It may be within a siren’s voice through which heartache is relatable and helps you feel less alone. It may be in a book that makes you laugh in what would have been your darkest moment. It may be in a film that pulls you into a story when your own is less than inviting, but advances you to make a positive change. It may be that video game that lets you be the hero and save the day or safely be the villain when you just want to blow something up. It may be in a picture just meant to move you. And yes, Loves, graphic novels encompass it all. These are never a waste of time and are often better shared.

So here I am aspiring to share, a perspective, some hope. We’re not ‘Tards because we’re lacking. We are making what we want of our time whether or not it suits the speed of society’s standard and we’ll be better people for it.

Well, My Darling Literates, That’s a weight off my brain. As always, thank you for reading and even better would be if you share with me the media that incites you.

Cheers! Yay!

Slai

If a Hulk Falls in the Woods.. and no one gives a crap...?

2010-01-20T19:52:00.000-08:00

By JD!
(Mild Spoilers Ahead)

So about 6 issues after Red Hulk appeared, I decided I no longer gave a flimflam who he was. I know that Bruce can't turn into the Hulk anymore, Leonard Sampson seems to be bad these days, there's a Red She-Hulk running around and General Thunderbolt Ross is dead. Oh and Betty is alive?? This is all I knew before coming in on FALL OF THE HULKS week one. Unsure of which one to start reading first, I took a look at the inside first page and it seemed to indicate with a little arrow that Hulk #19 is the one to begin with. LIES, I tell you! Deceit! Fibberpants!
But anyhoo, this story was pretty basic. Some evil jerkynuts decide to start taking out the 8 smartest people on earth, starting with...you guessed it (or did you? did you even try to guess? I have no way of knowing..cause ..you know..this is a blog.) Reed Richards and his Fantastical Four. And you know what? I don't care. I have such a hard time caring about the current Hulk sitch in Marvel. And the featured villians in this issue are: Wizard, Klaw, Lyra and Trapster (previously known, amazingly, as Paste Pot Pete)... and so I found little to care about in this issue besides Ed McGuiness' art, which was, as usual, pretty great. Though his Thing looks alot more like an Art Adams Thing then a McGuiness Thing. I hoped that while I didn't care too much of this issue, maybe things would ramp up in the second issue of the week:

Incredible Hulk #606.

My first thought when I finished this issue was "What the Bleep?" and yes, I said "bleep". (That reminds me. If you want something infinitely more entertaining to do right now then read this review, look for a podcast called YODA AND ME. It's awesome.) This issue, first of, all apparently DOESN'T take place after Hulk #19, since Reed an the FF are in a parade, having no mention of...you know..Reed having BEEN KIDNAPPED in the previous issue. So there's that. Annoying. The whole issue just follows Banner as he teleports from place to place, which would be fine, if only it didn't read like someone flipping channels on a Television. Also: who the hell DOESN'T have a friggin' Life Model Decoy of themselves floating around? Jeebus! Seriously. I think there's even one of ME frolicking about out there in the Marvel U, preferably getting some from the newly single Mary Jane Watson. Again the most positive thing I have to say about this issue is the art by Paul Pelletier who seems to have gotten a lot more gritty since last I've seen him, and the colors ain't too shabby either.

As for the story so far, however, I'm basically just slogging through it in the hopes that something important or interesting might happen.

Muffin-tops and Goths: Wet Moon Book 1

2010-01-16T15:42:00.000-08:00

by JayDee!

I am not, despite what my high school bullies may have thought, a 15 year old girl. I am also not goth, though I suppose I may have dabbled a bit while settling myself into the punk subculture. I've always been more about expressing my anger and humor through music then wallowing in sadness and writing in my journal. For these reasons, I'm not totally able to enjoy the characters in this series. There are aspects that I can definitely relate to, like going to art school, hanging out with my reject friends, having fairly mundane conversations about the most trivial of things that seem to mean the world to us. For THESE reasons, I made it through this edition and will be checking out the next one, at least. But whatever pros or cons I may be struggling with in regards to the story, I'm not having any bit of inner turmoil just staring at the art in this book.

The art by Ross Campbell is every beautiful girl that I glance at out of the corner of my eye, but am too chicken-shit to talk to, and so when our eyes meet I quickly look away nervously, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. Thankfully this book can't feel uncomfortable, otherwise it would probably issue a restraining order against me just for staring so damn much. And don't get me wrong, it isn't because the characters in the book are drawn as overly sexy. Most of the characters are either lanky and awkward or pudgy and walking around with their muffin-tops hanging over their studded belts. But everything is so beautifully rendered with such a seductive line that it's just so damn enrapturing.

Book One captures the feeling of being just out of high school and wandering your way into college and all the drama that entails, which is great since that's what the story is about, so far. But it's also part of the problem. So far the story has yet to really capture my attention in any other way but tapping into my nostalgia for entering art school. I'm hoping that volume two really gets into the meat of the story and drags me along for the ride.

Recapitulation of The Kryptonite Kid - a Novel by Joseph Torchia

2010-01-14T08:28:00.000-08:00

by Slai Washko

This initially charming and easy on the brain story may have been overlooked by me if not for a recommendation. I have never found Superman to be the most relatable of comic book heroes since my varied vulnerabilities do not include and are not limited to alien rocks, but this is not the case for protagonist Jerry Chariot. Superman is who Jerry admires and strives to communicate with and impress. He needs to reach out to a superhero because the everyday people within proximity do not embody such hope-inspiring ideals. Jerry is an elementary Catholic school kid about First Communion age who writes letters to Superman with his friend and sidekick Robert. These letters reveal a peek into small town life, suburban scandal, the confusion and unanswered questions of religion, and dysfunctional family dynamics. Through his letters, Jerry can make you cry with the empathy of unjust punishments and unrequited correspondence and can make you laugh through the fresh and fragile perspective of childhood innocence. Jerry's journey makes you want to cradle your inner child and tell that little one that everything is going to be ok, especially if as a child you didn't quite fit in.

And then there's the ending which I can't tell you about because you have to read it. After reading, I hope you write to me and share your experience. I prefer anonymous snail mail with multi-colored and fonted words constructed of magazine clippings because it makes me feel more important. If it seems that this last paragraph took a drastic turn from the previous content it may be analogous to the ending of The Kryptonite Kid. Thanks to JD for sharing his very large...book collection.

Thank you for reading.
Cheers! Yay!
-Slai

Zombies are ALIVE!!!!!

2010-01-12T18:32:00.000-08:00

Just this past weekend I found myself seeing zombies on the big screen. No I didn't see Zombieland, I saw The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. This was Heath Ledger's last film before he passed. I knew I was going into a strange world, but I didn't know where it was taking me.

One word:

Insane

Two Words:

Insane Fun

I enjoyed this whole movie. From the laughs to the "I don't know what's going on!" This was a fantastical journey through the mind of Dr. Parnassus. With brilliant colors and a lot of comical relief, one would find themselves dazed and confused. Heath Ledger did his job as a charismatic pretty boy, while Mini Me (Verne Troyer) is pouring out the laughs.

The Plot is basically the good doctor (Christopher Plummer) was a betting man and what seams to be the Devil (Tom Waits) decided to take him up one. Dr. Parnassus wins this bet and wins immortality. With this comes the story of an ancient man with mystical powers who travels with his circus that has something interesting to offer.

This story is all about greed and imagination. As long as you let yourself go and stop trying analyze what you are seeing you will be able to see this movie for what it is. Although Heath's performance wasn't as great as the Dark Knight, it was still not a bad role for his last one.

Poptards Eppy #6!

2010-01-12T18:06:00.000-08:00

PopTards and Popcorn: AVATAR

2009-12-20T09:27:00.000-08:00

Why are you reading this review? Go see it. Now. In 3D and in IMAX.

NOW.

Comic Quickies - Incorruptible #1

2009-12-20T08:24:00.000-08:00

Irredeemable is one of the more interesting comics that Mark Waid has been attached to for some time. Writing a story where the Superman archtype has gone literally insane and has become the world's worst villian, it makes sense that Waid would give us the opposing story. It seems that with Incorruptible #1, we're watching the world's (now second) worst villian as he tries to go straight. Max Damage is his name (how very Noir) and his villianous teengirl sidekick is called Jailbait, for obvious reasons. He's decided that since the Plutonian has gone insane and most of the heroes are dead, he's the only one with the power to protect the human race from the almost omnipotent former-hero.

It's a great, if inevitable idea, and I was glad to see that it takes place in the same universe as Irredeemable. However, this issue isn't really what I was hoping it would be. As a start-up issue, it lacks the stunning, "I NEED to see what happens next issue" ending that's designed to get people picking up #2, but maybe the problem is with the premise itself. Watching a former bad-ass villian go good isn't nearly as engaging as watching what would happen if the most powerful hero on the planet goes bonker-balls. I have enough faith in Mark Waid to keep checking it out for a bit, but so far I'm not wicked impressed.

Comic Quickies - Realm of Kings One Shot

2009-11-20T12:17:00.000-08:00

Under my work clothes, I'm sporting a Black Lantern tshirt, so I'm no stranger to space stories. But for some reason I have trouble giving anything akin to a crap about the Cosmic section of the Marvel publishing line. However my buddy Pete picks up all these cosmic titles and seems to dig it, so I says to myself: "Self. Read this shit." (I like to demean myself with disrespectful commands to my...self)

the GOOD:
- I can see why people dig this, even if I'm not a huge fan.
- "I am Groot!" ...made me laugh. though reminiscent of "I am Baaaytor" from Garth Ennis' amazing Hitman series.

the BAD:
- got bored just by reading the "Previously" page.
- evil alternate versions of our characters, coming to GIT us! oh noes! (how many times are we gonna see this? See: Marvel Zombies, JLA: Earth-2, Infinity War, so on, so forth)

the MEH:
- The art. Not great, not terrible. Definitely meh.

I'm hoping that once I get my head fully into the Cosmic fragment of the Marvel U, and get to know all the characters, that I'll care more..I'm willing to give it a shot, but so far, I'm not blown away.

It's Elementary, Dear Watson....a Bit TOO Elementary

2009-11-19T06:09:00.000-08:00

Victorian Undead
Sherlock Holmes vs ZOMBIES!

..So reads the little burst on the cover of this Wildstorm Comic by Ian Edginton and Davide Fabbri. The cover image is that of our Mister Holmes, rotting away, infested with maggots and smoking a big ole' pipe overflowing with insects. Silly Zombie Holmes! You can't smoke a pipe like thaaat! Wotta card!

Ugh. I just don't care. The beautiful Tony Moore art on the outside was the only reason I even gave this a shot. And maybe it's my own baggage that's keeping me from enjoying this comic, being a thread away from wanting to punch all these "Enter Character Here Vs Zombies" comics and books in the face. I recently saw that there was a Star Wars Zombie novel on the shelves as well. And I SHOULD be stoked! I've been a fan of this particular sub-genre since I was a wee laddy, but it's just getting boring. (Don't be offended, my beloved Walking Dead. You know I still love you and only you!)

That being said, this was a valiant attempt by the creators and they haven't done anything "wrong" that would make me dislike this comic, but I got halfway through the book and realized that I just didn't care and had to slog my way through the rest of the book. The interaction between Holmes and Watson weren't particularly engaging, the zombie business wasn't that scary, or original. Maybe that's what I'm getting at: nothing here was that interesting or original, and while that isn't exactly "wrong" on the creator's part, it IS enough to make me not read the next issue. Sorry old chaps, you just haven't sold me.
JD

I Would Be a Fat Robot!

2009-10-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

So in a future we can choose who we are by putting some funky glasses on and sitting under restaurant heating lamps. In the movie "Surrogates" people live their lives with no fear through robots. You could be a fat slob and be a hot woman. With this revolutionary technology the crime and homicide rates have virtually disappeared. But with this blessing comes arguments that people are loosing themselves and need to step away from this technology and live their own lives.

Enough about the world, so what of the movie? Who better to play the main character then Bruce Willis. Bruce is an FBI agent investigating a new homicide that killed the surrogate and the user. The homicide was aimed at the creator of the surrogates and ended up being his son. With this the plot goes through some interesting events and of course the last second button push scenario. I was not interested in alot of the movie, not even the foreshadowing struggle of Bruce's torn thoughts of living the surrogate life or his own.

A little predictable, but the ending is what made this a movie worth downloading. I say downloading because it was not worth the $10 movie theaters ask you to pay. For a Bruce Willis film I would say it lacked more gun fights and explosions. Let's do another Die Hard. We could call it "I Want to Blow Shit Up to Make You Die Hardest." So go to a computer near you and pay that free admission to watch "Surrogates."

PopTards & Popcorn: Paranormal Activity

2009-10-21T10:48:00.000-07:00

Unabashed Horror Fan. That's me. Hundreds upon hundreds of horror films over the years. As I write this, I'm wearing a Freddy Krueger sweater, not because it's Halloween, but because when I look down, I automatically remember the feeling I got when I first saw my first NOES film, and the following weeks that brought me nightmares because of it. Why devote so much time in the pursuit of a feeling that causes me misery? That's a question for another blog, and perhaps a therapist to answer. My point? I know horror, and have even become slightly jaded towards it over the years. But it's rare for me to actually find the high that I'm looking for whenever I'm watching a horror film.

THIS movie gave me just that. I still had chills running through me as I drove home and even as I settled into bed.

It isn't gory. It isn't graphic. Because of this, I feel like the Saw/Hostel crowd will balk at it's reliance on mood and tension as it's primary fear factors. Today's horror offerings use blood and brutality as a crutch, which is ok, these things are what we want as horror fans. But when they are conspicuously missing, I take notice, and I applaud the filmmakers for going back to the origins of true horror and try to reach right to the core of what can effect an audience without using gallons of Karo syrup and red food coloring.

The film opens up as one of our two main protagonists has recently bought a very expensive camera to document the strange goings-on that have been bothering the couple for some time, and everything we experience comes from the edited version of this footage, apparently put together by the studio (with thanks to the victim's families) so that their story can be told. And it's a story that I was riveted to from start to finish.

If you're looking for something spooky to watch this Halloween season, may I suggest you put away the red food coloring for this one and experience a bare-bones but effective horror experience.

When I say HEROES you say OK I WILL CATCH UP!!!

2009-10-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

So we are now in the 4th season of "Heroes." The only thing I can say about it is that it makes me revert back to those Saturday morning cartoons that I loved so much. You know, when you would grab your proton pack and stomp trap and catch some ghosts with the Ghostbusters. This show has all sorts of twists and turns and sometimes you don't know who is on what side.

My favorite part of this television show is the character development. Most shows will keep the characters in a certain comfort zone of emotion and development to keep the show going, but not "Heroes." Each season some heroes will slip up into the power hungry maniacs and some will become the stand off little lamb that wants nothing to do than get back to their regular lives. I was very weary when they started introducing new people with new powers, but so far we are doing pretty well.

A nice thing about the TV series is that it has kept up with the original comic book feel. They do this by not only having heroes and villains fighting one another, but the online comic books and the side character break off skits are just what the doctor ordered for that extra craving for more content.

So when you need a change from all the CISs and Law and Orders hop over to NBC on Mondays at 8 pm est and enjoy some awesome twists and an occasional car flip or flying man who forgot to switch to his tights. (no they aren't super heroes, just people with something a little extra)

If "The Guild" was your first born I would steal it!

2009-10-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

For your piece of mind, "The Guild" is a whimsical journey and an emotional roller coaster. This online series has all sorts of inside jokes that you can snack on. "The Guild" is a story of one group of people's conquest to be the best Guild in their Massive Multiplayer Role Playing Game(MMORPG). With playing MMORPGs you have all sorts of people, from young to old, white to black, catholic to atheist. No one scope of people play these sorts of games. With this story you do not really see what they are playing so they speak to all of the MMORPGs.

I highly suggest an immediate halt of the world and everyone drop your children and grab your mouse. "The Guild" is in it's third season, but you can watch all of the episodes at watchtheguild.com.

PopTards Episode 4!

2009-10-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

A Spidey-less show this week, as Master Film Maker Mark Mackner sits this one out and I'm joined by guest'Tard Pete Tutton..We discuss the new straight-to-dvd anthology horror film Trick'R Treat, and I hammer out the comic reviews all by my onesies, tackling Haunt #1, Daredevil #501, Moon Knight #2, Strange Tales #2 and Irredeemable #7, with music by The Donnas!

PopTards! Eppy 3

2009-10-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

On this week's show, Mark and I can't stop talking! We discuss the film Zombieland, some comics including: Amazing Spider-Man, Thunderbolts, Spidey Clone Saga 1, I Kill Giants graphic novel, and the premier eppy of this season of Star Wars Clone Wars! Ch-Ch-Check it out, kids!

Dark Reign: The List: X-Men

2009-09-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

WRITER: Matt Fraction
PENCILS: Alan Davis
INKS: Mark Farmer
COLORED BY: Nathan Fairbairn

First thought: Chris Claremont.
Not today's Claremont, who can't seem to stop typing long after lights-out, but the guy behind the books I remember from my wee laddy youth. We've got Namor showing up to "not" ask for help after Osborn has set his sights on the underwater realm, the X-folks teaming up like I haven't seen in a long time, trying trick after trick to negate the impending doom, and sharp dialogue. This is quality stuff. I should mention that I haven't read Xbooks in quite some time, ever since the finale of Astonishing, but seeing an Alan Davis book on the shelves is nigh-irresistible. The constantly under-rated artist is at it again, knowing every action, movement and facial expression right out of the panels and into your face. He's one comics mainstay that I'm glad stayed main.

Highlight of the issue, as quality as it was, happen to be the little intro boxes that learn ye a little bit of each character and their powers as they appear in the issue. I usually skip over them, knowing who the characters are for the most part, but them's pretty funny stuff. Example: "Piotr Rasputin--Colossus. Organic Steel. Fastball tops out at 220MPH."....."Logan--Wolverine. Adamantium Skeleton, Claws. Currently traveling at 220MPH"

Not sure if I should keep reading X-Men from here on out, this issue was so great that I'm afraid that the next one will disappoint.
-JD

Pop/Corn Movies: JACK THE GIANT KILLER

2009-09-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

Reviewed by Master Filmmaker Mark Mackner

It was announced earlier this week that Bryan Singer (USUAL SUSPECTS, X-MEN, SUPERMAN RETURNS) will be directing a remake of JACK THE GIANT KILLER (1962), the bastard stepson of the stop-motion fantasy classic 7th VOYAGE OF SINBAD. Also earlier in the week, I read the terrific comic miniseries I KILL GIANTS (Totally unrelated to JACK, but there is some giant killing involved). So, with all this going on, I decided it was time to reach deep into my DVD library and take another look at this little gem.

I loved this movie as a kid. I saw it on a Sunday afternoon, on UHF, WAY back in the day. Mid-80’s, I’d say. Even then, it was easy to pick up on the similarities between JACK and 7th VOYAGE: same lead actor (Kerwin Mathews), same actor as the villain (The GREAT Torin Thatcher), the design of the giant is nearly identical to the infamous Cyclops in VOYAGE (Only difference? JACK’s giant has 2 eyes instead of one). There’s a leprechaun who gets the heroes out of trouble (VOYAGE had a Genie, but same idea). What I didn’t realize until I purchased the DVD two years ago, is that even the director (Nathan Juran) is the same.

The biggest difference, of course, is that the stop motion effects in VOYAGE were handled by the undisputed master of the craft, Ray Harryhausen. And, while they were clearly inspired by Ray, the team behind the creatures in JACK can’t hold a candle to the brilliance of the master. The animation is kinda jerky at times, and some of the creatures wouldn’t be out of place in a Rankin-Bass holiday special.

BUT… it totally works! Creatures appear early and often, and there’s nary a dull moment in the film. It’s incorrectly referred to as a “remake” of VOYAGE on imdb. While it did indeed try to capitalize on the success of VOYAGE, it is in no way a remake, and despite all the similarities, it manages to have a flavor all its’ own.

It plays like a classic, colorful storybook brought to life. The basic plot is simple, evil wizard Pendragon (Thatcher) has a giant abduct the lovely princess. The giant makes the mistake of coming across Jack’s farm, where there’s plenty of sharp objects around (Yes, this is intended for children!). Jack hacks the giant to death with a scythe (!) and becomes a hero. The king knights him, and sends him on a mission to travel with the princess to a place where she can live in seclusion until Pendragon is vanquished. Pendragon sends some witches to capture the princess and steal away with her to his castle, with Jack in hot pursuit.

So there’s the story. You’ve seen it a million times before, in books, films, and even video games. But JACK never comes off as trite or uninspired. The first stop motion creature, a little elf given to the princess on her birthday is CREEPY AS HELL! Somehow, she finds the thing charming, but to me, it looks like something that would be enough to give Toulon the Puppetmaster nightmares. It mimics her movements in a nicely animated sequence and generally gives you the willies. Later that evening, it grows into a giant, in a transformation mainly seen in silhouette. It brings to mind the bit where the Ymir beats the dog to death in 20 MILLION MILES TO EARTH, and when the Calibos figurine in given horns and a tail in CLASH OF THE TITANS. Not QUITE as epic as those, but really nifty silhouette animation.

What follows is a really nicely staged giant attack on the kingdom, where it battles knights and Ren Faire suited villagers alike. The fight between Jack and the giant on Jack’s farm is lots of fun, too. And the frames where the giant appears with the actors were very skillfully executed, particularly the bit where the giant punches Jack to the ground.

Another highlight is when Pendragon sends the witches after the princess. You’d think that cartoon flames would look cheesy, but damn, if it doesn’t work here. My 6-year old insisted that they were ghosts, not witches, because they’re translucent and they fly. I’d have called them ghosts too, but whatever they are, they’re actually pretty scary. Really strong scene.

But, just as with most Harryhausen films, the real fun comes when two monsters have a colossal fight to the death. Here, it’s a two-headed giant vs. a sea monster, which resembles a dinosaur with tentacles instead of legs. Great fight, great scene.

The climax comes when Pendragon morphs into an actual dragon and goes after Jack. Jack clings to the monster’s back as it soars into the sky at dizzying heights. Again, the fact that the creature and actor appear in the same frame for much of the fight is really impressive, because you can actually believe that they’re both really there.

Did I mention that Jack picks up some sidekicks along the way? Well, he does. There’s a cabin boy and a Viking that tag along for the adventure, and they’re rewarded by being turned into a dog and a chimp. The chimp wears a black thong for some reason (Censors? But Cheetah the chimp didn’t have to wear underwear. WTF?), but SPOILER when Pendragon is defeated, the Viking and the kid are back to their old selves again, and all the heroes live happily ever after. But, really. If you can’t see that coming, then you’ve never heard a fairy tale before. But just because you can anticipate the ending, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t fun to get there.

But, unlike KING KONG, which I believed was flawless to begin with, there is room for improvement here, so I’m not against Bryan Singer doing a remake. Hopefully, it’ll be something I can take my kids to, because they sure loved the original!

Superman: Secret Origin #1

2009-09-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

Besides being an excellent author, Geoff Johns must be one hell of a chef. Able to take even the most stale ingredients and make a mouth-watering buffet of brain-steak. Superman Secret Origin shouldn't appeal to me in the slightest. I'm not a Superman fan (except for the films and a handful of extraordinary graphic novels). I, like most of the general population, am aware of the origin of Supes. And yet here Johns takes elements from the Smallville television show, the Superman movies and the original origin story and cooks up something that tastes different then I was expecting.

The pencils by Gary Frank, one of my fave artists working today, are quality as always, and he's pulling the same trick that's been getting me for the past couple years, in that he's drawing Clark to match the facial features of Christopher Reeve (the most well-known actor to wear the tights on film), which is even more impressive this time, owing to the fact that he's attempting a TEEN version of Christopher Reeve. He slips a time or two and makes our young Kent look a little too old, but not so much that you get pulled from the story.

I won't give too much away since it's still wednesday, but the story follows a trail through all the different versions of the origin, keeping a red-headed Lana Lang, the correlation between sexual arousal and heat-vision from Smallville, pulling a cornfield save from Superman 3, the pre-original Crisis relationship 'tween a still-follicled Lex Luthor and Clark and the fact that he develops powers before reaching adulthood. I like that Johns has given Clark a confused, frightened reaction to the emergence of his new powers. I'd be freaking out too, kid. One tiny thing that made me chuckle though was the sequence where we've established that someone running into Clark would break bones, and yet as young Kent runs through a cornfield, he trips on foliage? Seems like he would blow right through flimsy plant life, while running, but whatever. That's just me being picky!

Best moment of the issue is the last page which has a Christmas Story-esque scene that was also so rooted in the reality of the situation that it made me laugh out loud.

Only 5 more issues of this? Bummer.
JD

PopTards At Play - House of the Dead: Overkill

2009-09-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

By Jenn Tyre

House of the Dead Overkill for the Wii is a short game with fairly easy achievements, but it was probably the most fun I had killing zombies in a long time! The style of it, is very reminiscent to the Tarantino/Rodriguez Grindhouse feature, by not only the look and feel of it, but the witty, vulgar dialogue as well.

I am usually not one for the dialogue in games (I am definitely more of a shoot-em up type of gal) but listening to the banter between the two characters, Agent G (who is Samuel L Jackson re-incarnated) and Issac Washington (your typical macho stud), made me laugh everytime. The things that are said and done in this game are used for pure shock value and anyone without a sense of humor or appreciation for the ridiculousness will hate this game.

While the game is pretty simple for someone who has a love for killing the dead, someone new to this might have a hard time adjusting to the shooting and the graphics. One person player is easy because your gun is the only thing displayed on the screen. While playing as a 2 person shooter, it is easy to get mixed up with who is killing who. It holds the same type of horror elements that other classics do like Deadspace, Silent Hill or Resident Evil, and the perfect way to enjoy this game is in complete darkness to add to the horror element. The mutants you are assigned to kill is everything I love thrown into one game. You have your fast moving (ala 28 Days Later), your slow moving (ala the Original Gangsters) and even throws in a few crawling (which has been used and abused by Japanese Horror flicks). It definitely succeeds in the creep factor, but brings you right out of it with the shocking hilarious scenes.

Many of the mini-games are fun as well, but I say stick to the actual story mode because it plays out like one Mother-F%$king badass movie, that you and your sick little twisted friends will enjoy!

Drowning v. Floating.

2009-09-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

Old George Orwell got it backward.
Big Brother isn’t watching. He’s singing and dancing. He’s pulling rabbits out of a hat. Big Brother’s busy holding your attention every moment you’re awake. He’s making sure you’re always distracted. He’s making sure you’re fully absorbed. He’s making sure your imagination withers.
And this being fed, it’s worse than being watched.
- Chuck Palahniuk

It's time to take a good look inward, I think. The above quote sits heavy at the bottom of every email that I send out from my personal yahoo account. I'm a big Palahniuk fan and when I read that quote, I knew it was gonna be my new email signature, letting everyone know just how counter-culture I am! While I do believe that I'm less sucked in than most of the country, and that I know what's "really important" and that I can "give it up whenever I WANT TO!!", I'm just as much of a slave to the distraction as everyone else is. Hell, I started a Podcast and a blog this week to ADD to said distraction.

But AM I? What is the distraction, do you think? Is it actually the comic books, scripted television shows and music that comes at me from every direction, that I so willingly allow myself to absorb? OR is it the corrupt media that shields us from what's really going on in the world? Should I be just as ashamed for filling my head with the stories of super-heroes and horror monsters, as people who get their news from network television and believe anything they see in print? Am I just as much a part of The Decline as the people I hold in contempt? I may be. As I look around from where I'm sitting, typing this stream-of-consciousness, I see a pile of comics on my bedstand, graphic novels on my pillows, an iPhone, my computer, filled with bookmarked popculture websites, and I can see my shelves in the dining room just FILLED to the brim with comics, novels, cds, movies, and toys. My god, man. TOYS. Sorry, not toys. FIGURES. We all know by now that they are Action Figures, not Toys. Pfft.

But then I start to look a little closer. And I see that The Guardian UK website is in my bookmarks. WXPN. Things I don't hit every day, but they're there. I see that the two graphic novels on the pillows are Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, the story contained within hopefully to teach me about Iran and the Islamic Revolution, something I have little to NO knowledge of at all. I see I KILL GIANTS, a graphic novel that literally made me cry my own tears, that taught me something about loss and dealing with the mortality of those I love. There's a bookshelf made totally up of how-to books.

I see the oversized vinyl GORILLAZ figures that originated from one of my favorite illustrators, Jamie Hewlett, someone who I consider to have perfected his art years ago, yet keeps getting better and expanding his abilities, which reminds me to do the same. All of these things are inspirata. They are teaching tools and artifacts of creativity. I have a thirst for knowledge and growth and these are the stories I inhabit to gain something of worth.

Is it a distraction? Am I allowing myself to be distracted?
Yes. But I like to think it's something else as well.

But that's just me.

JD

PopTards & PopCorn: Film Review: BROTHERHOOD OF BLOOD

2009-09-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

Reviewed by Master Filmmaker Mark Mackner

Here’s a movie that caught my eye in the used DVD bin recently. It was only a few bucks, and it’s got Sid Haig in it, so I decided to give it a shot. I’d been on a Sid Haig kick, having met him at the Monster Mania Horror Con this year and revisiting THE DEVIL’S REJECTS to prep for Rob Zombie’s H2 (Which I didn’t get around to seeing, unfortunately). But there’s more to appreciate in this film than just Sid Haig, right? Well…

I’ll start with the look of the film. It’s shot on a cheaper-looking digital grade than I shoot MY films with, if that tells you anything. Seriously low-grade digital video. That’s the first strike against it. But, what about the plot?

“BROTHERHOOD OF BLOOD” tells the story of a vampire hunter who poses as a doctor to get close to another doctor, whose brother is said to be the infamous vampire VLAD COSAI. Victoria Pratt (She of “KRAKEN, TENTACLES OF THE DEEP”) plays the lead vamp hunter, and basically amounts to a poor man’s Sarah Connor. She sneers through her line deliveries, flexes her impressive biceps, and is always saying shit like “Trust no one.” Which turns out to be good advice.

A gang of vamps, led by Haig, is also looking for the doctor’s brother, since he, VLAD COSAI, is their sworn enemy. He’s also The Devil, apparently. Hundreds of years ago, vamps and humans had to put their differences aside to unite and defeat Cosai, as he was just too powerful for either race to handle on its’ own. But now, Cosai’s back, dispatching vampires and vampire hunters with equal efficiency and brutality.

Wait, I’m making this sound a lot cooler than it actually is. Believe me, you don’t miss the vampires (mostly) and you sure don’t miss the hunters because they’re such horrible actors. The whole thing plays out, much like the DVD case boasts, like “THE USUAL SUSPECTS with vampires”. Which sounds pretty awesome, right? Problem is, they tried TOO hard to emulate that film. And it’s OBVIOUS. Remember that bit in SUSPECTS, where the Hungarian guy is on the ship, and he’s freaking out because he knows Keyser Soze is closing in on him? There’s an identical scene in this movie. The whole VLAD COSAI legend is clearly inspired by Keyser Soze, and the twist at the end is very much like the one in SUSPECTS.

But, by trying so hard to evoke another, better film, BOB sacrifices having its’ own voice, and invites comparisons it can’t possibly live up to. Haig tries his best (With REALLY fake-looking fangs), but with limited screen time, there’s only so much good he can do. Plus, it doesn’t help that he’s forced to say lines as nonsensical as “I was there when I burned him.” Um… OK. That’s good. ‘Cause it’d be pretty strange if you were somehow absent when you burned him. WTF? Despite it all, the guy’s a trooper and a gifted performer. He injects life into his scenes and the whole film benefits from it.

Also trying his darndest to rescue this thing is genre fave Ken Foree (The black guy in the original DAWN OF THE DEAD, the pimp from DEVIL’S REJECTS). Here, he turns up as a mercenary vamp, who initially seems like a villain. And he IS evil. But maybe he’s on the right side this time? Hmmm…you’ll get no such spoilers from ME! But he had giddy fun with the role, even though he’s given some pitiful supporting actors to work with.

The film’s modest budget ($500,000, or so I read online somewhere) keeps the action (and gore) from getting too crazy, so they employ some nifty “less is more” kinda tricks and camerawork that I, as a fellow starving artist filmmaker, can appreciate. And the fact that they got names like Haig and Foree attached to this gives me hope that I’ll get to work with genre greats one day.

In closing, BOB isn’t a gem, but it isn’t unwatchable. Worth the $4.99 I spent on it, and actually better than larger-budgeted dreck like UNDERWORLD. Worth a look if you find it cheap, or if someone has it on at a Halloween party, or something. But, Haig and Foree aside, get ready for some REALLY bad acting. Seriously. The vampire hunters are just AWFUL!!!!!

Testingtons

2009-09-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

So....yeah. Just created this.
Test.

icles.

First Trial Eppy of PopTards went up today..

2009-09-21T21:22:00.000-07:00

Heyhey!
So Mark and I recorded the first eppy of PopTards on this past saturday morning, discussing Batman & Robin #4, and Amazing Spider-Man #605. The recording went well, and we had a ton of fun, then I spent the rest of the day editing it in Garage Band, but now I'm in the publishing stage and having quite a bit of trouble getting iTunes to accept it. Still trying to figure out the hosting and the RSS bidness.
Though for now, apparently people can just listen to it on my Facebook.
We're halfway there, at least!